Finalized 30 | When Your Old Life Can’t Come With You: Shedding Identities, Fear, and False Safety
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[00:00:00] Hi, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. It's been a bit of [00:01:00] a humbling week, I will say. And we are in the final lunar cycle of the year of the wood snake, I believe. I know it's the year, the snake, but I believe it's the wood snake in particular. And it's been a lot of shedding.
It's been a lot of letting go. It's been a lot of like karmic endings. Oh my goodness. And sometimes letting go of the thing that we had been growing into for however long, and even if it was short lived, like it had a purpose in our life. And it's very easy for ego to get attached to that. Although there comes a time and a place where it's time to let it go, it's time to surrender and it's time to shed it all.
And this time of the year, like it's literally the final scales at the very tail end of the year of the snake. [00:02:00] And it could be so challenging and difficult to let things go. Although I wholeheartedly trust that it's all in divine timing and all a part of the cosmic plan that is in service to our highest and best good.
And if you have a hard time believing in it, then you know what? Claim it. Ask for, support upon your spirit guides. Talk to the universe, connect with God and say, Hey, you know what? With whatever is going on in my life right now, may it be in service to the highest and greatest. Good, always for all involved.
If it's been challenging and difficult and you feel like you're just at the whims of whatever the hell is happening around you, and you have no sense of control over it, not that I'm encouraging, like micromanaging or anything yet, I want to encourage you to lean into the power of your word, to the power of your intention, [00:03:00] because when you finally connect with God and connect with your spirit family, as I like to call it, and you say, Hey, you know what?
I recognize there's all of this stuff happening right now, and for what it's worth, may it be known that it is to happen with way more grace. May all of the challenges be in service to the highest and best good. And may I get through it with so much more support. This is what I need. You know, like, put in that cosmic order for yourself.
Because when you hold that intention and you have that open dialogue, that open conversation, you really start to allow your entire subconscious mind, right? Your reticular activating system starts to focus in on what you are deeming important, and it will start to go to work to connect [00:04:00] those dots. But if you're not being intentional and you're just kind of like being at the throes of what's going on, then that just begets more of unintentional, like out of control, unsettled, ungroundedness.
You know what I mean? So, I don't wanna say easier said than done, it's just, it's a process. It really is. And this is why I just love so much of the spiritual embodiment journey that I have been on for like pretty much my whole life.
And especially when I had to figure out how to regulate my nervous system. In the early years of motherhood, that's when it was like chronic dysregulation, panic attacks, postpartum depression, um, I mean, it was really rough and it's so difficult now sometimes when I look back at my daughter's baby pictures and I'm like, oh [00:05:00] my God.
I feel like I wasn't fully present and I didn't fully get to cherish those precious years because I was suffering so much. Yet it also led me down. It's like I couldn't do anything else but to look for the help that actually made a difference. And that was learning about trauma, learning about the nervous system.
And learning how to work and heal from the bottom up, meaning the body primarily on a nervous system level versus mindset. And even hypnosis sometimes, which like hypnosis is a really interesting thing because it kind of, it blurs into like the unconscious. I see the body as a physical manifestation, an extension of the subconscious and unconscious mind.
And if you think about it like. For people that are [00:06:00] allergic to, is it anesthesia? I hope I'm pronouncing that right. But it's the medicine to put yourself to sleep. Some people are allergic to it, so what can they do if they need like serious surgery? Well, they would go under a deep hypnotic state to help cut off the pain receptors of the body.
So they will go under surgery, like opening their flesh and not feel any pain through the power of hypnosis. So anyway, that's a whole, like, it's such a trippy thing and it's, I, I fell down that rabbit hole a few years ago when I did my NLP certification training and man, that's, I was like, whoa. But anyway, where was I?
For a second there, I, I lost track of why I started talking about early motherhood and all of that, but yeah, just [00:07:00] learning how to work with the body at a somatic level, regulating the body, and of course, bringing in the powers of the subconscious mind. And spirituality, my goodness, like that this is why I love to work. And that holy trifecta of the somatic, the subconscious, and the soul, and bringing all of that together for a well-integrated whole experience.
So I'm gonna circle back around to the year of the snake. And right now it is the full moon in Leo, which is the last full moon of the year of the snake. And then the next full moon is the kickoff of the year of the fire horse. And I did not write any notes.
Honestly. It's all over social media if you wanna look into it. Um, but from the top of my head, I know that transitioning from the year of the snake, which is a whole lot about releasing and shedding what is no longer serving us and releasing old identities, which could be huge. [00:08:00] Terrifying ego deaths and letting things go.
And it's just like, it could be such a deep grieving, scary, and relieving, you know, it's like, oh God, finally, like, after all this time. Oh my God. But yeah, it could be quite dramatic. And now shifting into the fire horse where there's a lot of momentum, there's a lot of forward movement into our passions, into something that we have a huge drive for.
It's just so beautiful to see the connections and the transition points of like the greater purpose of releasing so much in order to be able to like move forward with so much more lightheartedness, you know? And it's just, wow.
And as I was saying before, I've had a very humbling week and I'm still kind of recovering from it. Last week, I cleaned for a couple hours and my ankle [00:09:00] started acting up as in like, it started clicking in weird places and there was some kind of tendon.
I was like, I dunno if it's a ligament, a tendon, like something's outta place. Like, it just felt really odd. And the thing is, this has happened for a few months now, but it would go away. Like it was manageable. I was able to just move on with my day. And it wouldn't slow me down. And I also didn't take the time to slow down.
And so this time I cleaned, had the same issue. I was like, oh, it'll go away. It's not a big deal. Well, the next day I had a very, very busy day. I was constantly on my feet doing things all over town, walking a lot. And by the time I was with my daughter getting ready for bedtime. My ankle was throbbing really bad.
And I was like, man, this is really uncomfortable. I took a moment to look at [00:10:00] my ankle and it's swollen and I'm like, oh man, okay. This is way worse than I thought it was. I took some time to relax, maybe even like 10 minutes on the bed, like propping up the ankle and everything.
But my mind was still just racing, going, going, thinking about all the different things, right? And trying to like, wrap up the day that wasn't fully ended yet. And after 10 minutes I'm like, oh, I should give Cody Lily's dad something. I forgot what it was, but I decided to pop right outta bed. I go outside to walk to her room and
I happened to step on my foot in a particular way. I don't even know, honestly, I didn't roll it. I, there was no hole. I didn't trip on anything. It just had this sharp shooting pain go up my leg and I was like, oh my God. Like that was, that was really bad. I paused mid step and as I was [00:11:00] about to put my, my weight on the foot again, like it was the sharp shooting pain.
And I'm like, Cynthia, you need to stop, nothing else matters anymore. So I hopped on over back into my room and I'm on the bed and I'm like, oh shit, this is not okay. Yeah, I had taken this whole week to recover to rest my ankle.
It's not fully healed. I am definitely gonna need physical therapy to rehabilitate it. I can walk around, thankfully, I can do normal stuff, but when it comes to cleaning, I can only go for so long before that clicking thing. And like the, the ankle starts to get very unsupported and vulnerable. And I'm like, oh, man. Like, the thing is, I'm gonna be completely honest with you.
After I realized the situation the same night that it was the worst, [00:12:00] I actually felt relieved. I felt like "finally I have an excuse to stop cleaning" because I was just utilizing that job that I made for myself. In order to, yes, like pay the bills and take care of my immediate financial responsibilities, but also it was another excuse to not completely pour all of my time, energy, attention, love into what it is that I'm truly here to do and how I feel really called to help people.
And the type of people that like light me up and doing things in a way that I'm just like, God, I like if, if only I can do this and share that and help people get to their next milestone. And the best ways that I know how, that I've helped me for years. And, um, yeah, I could not ignore that [00:13:00] relieving feeling that washed over my body of like, thank goodness.
And it's so odd to say it because, you know, I'm, I'm really grateful for that business, the cleaning business. I'm really grateful for what it has provided for me, even just to get to where I am now. Yet I very well know that it's not going to come with me in where I'm going. And just like this happened last year when I was working for a cleaning company as an employee, and then suddenly I was given five days to either quit or become an independent contractor.
And I was like, oh my God. Well, at the time I was living paycheck to paycheck and I, I honestly didn't really have any other choice. And I hesitate to see that 'cause I'm just like, it feels like another excuse. Although back then [00:14:00] I didn't have what I have now. So I went for it. You know, I took the opportunity and for some reason actually I had a lot of resistance.
I was like, I don't know about this, but things happened fast. Within, in less than two months, I was able to completely replace the income from being an employee. And I, I was able to cancel my contract as an independent contractor and be a solo house cleaner in my own business. And that was such a blessing.
Yet I realized that, that has run its course already. And even though, yes, it would be amazing to have things done in a really nice, neat way that feels very controlled and calming and like predictable and easily manageable, right? But sometimes. Being too comfortable in this situation, just enables more of that, which [00:15:00] is not what I want.
I don't wanna keep cleaning. I want to coach more. I'm ready to coach. I'm ready to lead a group of amazing, conscious entrepreneurs, heart led coaches, you know, healers like facilitators that are ready and willing to share their light in this world and do it their own way, in a way that they know is possible, that like they're able to create their own heaven on earth and share their magic and medicine.
And there's so much in this world that is set up to make it so hard and nearly impossible. And I'm gonna say nearly because if you haven't read "Outwitting the Devil". I just read it while I listened to the audio book. Changed my freaking life, like in a very deep personal level. Oh my God. It's one of [00:16:00] those revolutionary books that once you see it, you can't unsee it in this world.
And it makes a lot of sense as to why I am the way I am, especially as like a homeschooling mom. No, I am not raising my daughter in a church. I mean, not a, not a Catholic church like I was raised, I'll say that because I've told her like, nature is my church. This nature being out in nature is my church.
And um, that's how I connect with God is being with nature. Yeah, it just goes to show the deep importance of breaking generational curses of poverty. And it's no wonder that you have this burning desire to create something in your life that is so meaningful that lights you up. It's that aliveness that is going to save the world.
It's what keeps our [00:17:00] humanity. It's what keeps us connected to our heart and what is actually meaningful to us. If we're not doing that? Then what the fuck are we doing here? Why are we wasting our precious life and energy on hatred, on things that don't matter on money even. And in a way where we believe that money is what's going to bring the fulfillment and the happiness, and it's not. And this is something that I wholeheartedly recognized when I was in college, when I transitioned from high school to college, because I studied dance all through grade school.
I went to a performing arts elementary school. I went to dance studios through middle school and high school. And while I was in high school, I didn't do any PE. I swapped it out for dance classes. And I had a lot of support from my family. You know, they would go to my recitals and everything and it was very celebrated.
And then when it came time to declare a [00:18:00] major, I was like, dance, of course. Like why would I do anything else? And the conversation, the vibe completely shifted. They were like, wait a minute. Are you serious? Like you're really gonna do that? And I'm like, what do you mean am I serious? What, what have I been doing like all this time since I was like five or six?
Like how, how is this like hard for you to wrap your head around? And the thing is, there's been so much importance and attachment to money that they think getting a job that will make the most money is going to make you happy. And it's not. And that's the thing, when I transitioned into college and I was like, wait a minute, first of all, I got financial aid, so my college was paid for.
I was one of those students where I'm like, dude, like this is a fucking opportunity [00:19:00] given to me. And if I didn't have this, I wouldn't be able to go to college. And so I took it very seriously and I was like, if I'm going to be gifted this opportunity, I am not going to waste it doing something that I don't wanna do.
Why would I go do business classes in university? You know, now it's different. Now I find business courses online from people that do it in a way that is in alignment with my values and their spiritual, you know, and, and all the things that I absolutely love that you wouldn't find in a four year university. And so I completely let go of a lot of people's projections and beliefs around going to school and studying for something that will make you more money.
And because I had such a deep passion and connection with dance at that time, it was very easy for me to let go of [00:20:00] everyone's projections and beliefs that if I were to study something that makes me more money than dance would, that I would be happier. I would be well off, right? And I was just like, no, that's not worth my time and energy and this gift that I was given to get an education.
And so, yeah, I just, I danced and that's where my somatic education came from, was studying in a four year university, and it was all about embodiment. It was a postmodern dance school that weaved in a whole lot of somatic modalities like Feldenkrais, Bartenieff Fundamentals, Body-Mind Centering.
Um, I can go on and on about this stuff, but they incorporated a lot of the presence and mindfulness into the dance classes. In ballet, the teacher would put curtains all across the mirrors because there's something that happens with our focused [00:21:00] attention when we're in the mirror and it changes the way we move and dance.
And it disconnects us from our body because we're so focused on the visual of how we look when we dance. And she was just like, stop caring about what you look like. I want you to close your eyes and feel what you're doing, feel how your body is moving in space. And it was just such a life changing experience. I would do it all over again if I could.
And it's so interesting to reflect back on that because back then that distinction was so clear and I was just like looking at everybody and their jobs that they don't like and they're complaining about it and they're just waiting to live for the weekend and then Sunday night comes and like mopey all over.
And I'm just like, what the fuck? Like why, why? That made no sense to me at that time. And something shifted when I became a mom. I feel like I [00:22:00] completely lost my identity as a dancer, and my goodness, it was really, really hard. And now that I'm at this point in my life where because I have my daughter and I'm a single mom and all of this, that I have more of the pressure of feeling like I have to have a job.
I have to create some kind of nine to five situation for myself in order to make ends meet and barely get by. Yet this is something that is time to let go of. It's time to let go of the thing that is of the old world, that is of the old timeline, that is of the old identity and the old ego that no longer has to run the show anymore.
If you've been living in a story that you feel like it does not match what your heart and your soul is calling you to do, it's time to lean into [00:23:00] spirit. Ask for support. And if there are things already showing up in your life that is like, dude, this is already starting to fall away, ask how you can further surrender in that releasing. For me, I have this injury, like literally I can only clean for maybe about two hours until my ankle starts to completely just not be able to operate.
And it becomes painful. And I'm like, well, I wanna be able to walk, so I just, I have to stop cleaning literally. And yes, I am going to see a physical therapist, but I want to rehabilitate my body just for my own health and wellness, not solely for trying to upkeep the cleaning business. The thing is, it's really effing scary, you know?
Like I totally understand where there's the kicking and the screaming of our ego because it doesn't know anything [00:24:00] else. It's been able to survive in the old ways of being, even if it's something that we don't actually want. But it just continues to backtrack and go back to that old way of doing things because it's already learned how to survive in that way.
Our subconscious mind is programmed to conserve energy because it wants you to survive. It will do everything it can to try to get you back to things that are familiar that you can do on autopilot and become an automatic response so that you can conserve energy. Really it's just the ego and the nervous system wanting to keep you in the old familiar hell, even if you know that the unfamiliar heaven is actually best for you.
And so I just share that because if you feel like you're getting really fed up with yourself and you're [00:25:00] angry and you're just like, God dammit, what's wrong with me? And like, you know, like that's how I was today, literally earlier today. Oh my goodness. I really had like a tantrum with myself and now that I've recovered from that, I'm like
sharing all this love for myself and compassion and all of that. But I really had to let myself have that tantrum because I was just like, God, like why is this so effing hard and all this stuff? And I helped myself through a few things so that I could just release all of that. 'cause also the anger is protecting some kind of sorrow there.
I just really wanna take a moment right now to acknowledge anything that's coming up for you internally or externally that is starting to change things in your life that you feel like, oh man, like this is gonna be a hard one to let go of.
Especially if you know, deep down inside that it's meant to go, but you're having a really hard time in the [00:26:00] process of letting it go. Like, I see you and I understand and you're always welcome to reach out to me on Instagram. Because yeah, being able to relate with someone and connect and communicate and all of that, that has helped me tremendously.
Oh my God. Don't ever underestimate that. I want you to know that there is another way to actually live the life that you truly want. And even if it's difficult and you feel like you're like trudging through mud right now, and you just wanna break and it's just like too much, take the break. Take care of yourself, okay? Cry it out. Do what you need to do. And remember that there is always another way to the dreams that have been on your heart.
And do you know what, like maybe there doesn't have to be some drastic change in what it is that you want to do. Like I know there's gonna be a fade out for me and my cleaning business maybe a lot sooner than I [00:27:00] realize, but also there was something about my coaching business that I was just like, Ugh, like it's missing something or it feels restless.
There was this restless energy about it that I was just like, oh my God, like what am I missing here? And I realized that I have not been dancing. I need to bring dance and movement back into my coaching business and in my everyday life, really.
And that's the thing, like some of these things that make us happy and that bring us so much joy, especially if it's something that you've been doing since you were a kid. Like it doesn't have to be profitable. It really doesn't. Sometimes you just need more of that in your life. Maybe you don't have to burn all the bridges and do something super dramatic. But just adding in more of what it is that truly lights you up like that could really turn everything around. 'cause I did, I went out dancing today and I was just like, oh my God. And like with my ankle, I had to be careful. I took a [00:28:00] chair even like I modified for myself.
But just having those five, 10 minutes of doing something that I absolutely love to do and is something that I would do if there was nothing else to do on this world and I wouldn't ever get paid for anything, it would be to dance. And so I had that come to Jesus moment and I'm just like, oh my God. Like dance, dance! Like I, I want to free myself through it.
If there's anything in your life that you used to do that brought you so much joy and you felt so free when you did it, like I just wanna encourage you to add it into your life. You know, you don't have to make a whole business out of it.
You don't have to do a whole dramatic change in your life. But what if you add more of it into what you're already doing in order for that fulfillment piece to come? 'cause that's the thing. That's the thing. Even if you have an opportunity to do something that will bring you a whole lot more money.[00:29:00]
Or it's like predictable, right? Like I created a nine to five job for myself, even though it's a business, like I'm still doing the job at an hourly rate I was able to do, I feel like very easily and seamlessly because it's what I'm familiar with. The thing is it's not fulfilling and it's going to drain your life force energy and it's gonna get heavy after a while and it's, you're gonna find yourself being like, fuck. Like, why, why am I still here? Why am I still doing this?
You know? And if you're already there, like do more of what you love. And even if you're creating a business out of it and it may not make as much money as you used to, or it's taking longer to make money, I promise you it will be worth it. It's going to be so worth your time, energy, and attention. And once it starts to take off, and once you start really building it up to that vision you have in your heart, like I [00:30:00] promise you it's going to be so worth it.
That thing that lights you up the most. That brings energy and vitality and excitement and whimsy, right? Keeping you open to possibilities and just enjoying the sweetness of life. Like that's what this is about. That's what we're here to experience and learn the depth of our greatness through that. Whether you make money off it or not, it does not matter. I just wanna come on here to let you know that it's come into your life for a reason.
Maybe you didn't have a history with it, but something is starting to get your attention and you're starting to get more interested, like follow that! follow it. You never know where that's gonna take you. And even if it really doesn't have like a final destination, right? Or some external validating thing like that aliveness that you feel within you, it's worth all of it.
And if it [00:31:00] does happen to be something that you do want to build a business off of, or it's something that you've already been working on and you feel like you've been having a hard time just like managing yourself, like you know what you want to create and who you're meant to serve at a very deep like soul level, but the way that you've been showing up takes so much more effort.
Or you feel like when you are about to be visible, right, and take like that big action, that's a little scary and you find yourself bracing all the time, or you feel like you're needing to recover constantly from it, or if it's just so overwhelming and even though like the growth feels exciting, right?
In theory, like conceptually, and maybe at first it's very motivating and you're like, yeah, like this is so exciting. But then you feel super exhausted. Then you're just like, wait a minute. This is so overwhelming.
Like when the pressure increases, you start to hesitate. You start to overthink or pull back. Second guess. [00:32:00] Not because you don't care about what you're doing, but because something inside you tightens, right? Something at the back of your mind is like, whoa, whoa, whoa pump the brakes.
And over time, if that's been creating a whole lot of frustration for you, especially when you start to notice like the self doubts are really starting to kick in and you're just like feeling like an imposter syndrome or like, oh my God, why does this feel so much harder than it should? Like, why can't I sustain this momentum?
Then you need to know about this brand new group coaching experience that I am putting together called Align to Lead. It is rooted in spiritual embodiment and it's going to recreate your foundation. And so instead of trying to override your body and like just mindset your way through those changes, or maybe feeling like the spirituality piece in your life isn't fully helping you to take off.
I'm creating it to build coherence on a somatic, subconscious, and [00:33:00] soul level. Okay? This is where you can learn on a nervous system level, how to stay steady under pressure, or when you start to take those aligned actions and you're making big moves, you know how to recover and restore yourself.
'cause yes, you will need to do that, but do you know how to, and not in the unhealthy coping mechanism styles, but finding other healthy coping mechanisms that actually revive you. We're gonna focus on updating your subconscious identity as well to be able to support yourself in being visible in your leadership and being able to follow through on what it is that you know you're meant to do. And to create a business where your soul feels expressed, it's fulfilling.
I want you to know that this is not about becoming completely fearless and perfectly regulated, okay? Because actually fear has a really beautiful way of showing us where there's untapped potential, where we have not [00:34:00] cultivated our power in this particular area of our life. This is about developing the capacity to be present, to stay grounded, and to develop more of your self trust while you are stretching into your greatness, while you are making moves.
And growth starts to feel like a natural extension of who you are rather than being held back and compromised by your growth and feeling stuck in that. I don't think I'm really meant for this kind of a loop. Align to Lead is being created to support you, to build a business with embodied confidence. To show up consistently and be able to take aligned risks without completely collapsing or feeling like you have to give up.
This is where you learn to trust yourself and be able to handle what comes next, even if it's unfamiliar or uncomfortable. You'll be cultivating the resiliency in being able to [00:35:00] stabilize and expand because your internal system and the way that you are operating can actually hold that level of leadership that you know you're meant to step into.
This is really gonna be a time where we get to flip the script of feeling consumed by our business to actually feeling nourished by it. Yeah. And there's this like, beautiful, cohesive dance happening between the two, because when you're establishing more of that presence, more of that grounded, centered state in your business, it will ripple into your relationships. It will ripple into your parenthood. It'll ripple the way in which you connect with others.
I mean the habits that we'll be able to build together to support your wellbeing, not just in business but in your life as well. Like this is the resilient ecosystem that we get to establish in your life. And of course, like When you are in that resilient, regulated, grounded, centered [00:36:00] state, imagine how that's going to impact your content, your sales, the way in which you're able to hold space and facilitate this type of transformational change that you are here to create in the world.
I can go on and on and on about this brand new group coaching program. And please get on the priority list for Align to Lead because there are only 10 founding member spots available, and everyone that is on the priority list is going to get exclusive first in line access to one of the 10 founding member spots.
And once they're filled up, the doors will close. Okay. I wanna keep the group intimate and also manageable for me because we are going to be creating this program together. Okay? I'm gonna be working very closely with you. This is gonna be a complete live experience, and you get lifetime access. So you will get every upgraded version. You just make that initial investment and be a part of the founding [00:37:00] member experience. And yeah, we get to grow and expand together.
So definitely check out the link in the show notes. Okay. Align to lead priority list. Get on that as soon as you can and you'll be hearing from me very soon. Okay. Doors open for the priority list on February 13th. Alright. And that is a few days before they open to the public, so definitely get on the list.
Alright. Thank you so much for tuning in. I really, really appreciate you.
