Ep 3
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[00:00:00] Hey, welcome to another episode of the spiritually embodied leader podcast. Thank you [00:01:00] so much for tuning in. It's always so lovely to share this time and space with you. I'm still getting used to this whole podcasting things. So, yeah, it's been fun though. I hope you've been enjoying the episodes so far. Um, and in case you're catching this on winter solstice on the launch day, you are welcome to join me in an embodied ceremony to celebrate the winter solstice. And it's basically the podcast launch party. Okay. It's happening at 12:00 PM Pacific standard time. The link is in the description, um, but in case you've missed it but you still want to celebrate, then I'll be posting the replay on YouTube, okay.
So anyway, if you are not really familiar with winter solstice and you wanted to learn more about it and how to tap into the magic and the medicine of winter solstice, then you can check out the second episode, um, where I dive much deeper into, what winter solstice is all about. Today is more dedicated to the [00:02:00] story of my spiritual awakening that had happened in Egypt and it just felt so, so important to share this story because earlier this year I had realized in 2022, I realized that this December 21st, 2022 will be my 10th year anniversary of my spiritual awakening that happened December 21st, 2012. And, um, you know, it was just something that had changed my life drastically and while, like it was a really, memorable experience like not everything changed overnight, right? But it's been this like really long evolutionary journey for me and has helped me shape who I am today.
And so I just wanted to dedicate an episode to it because we all go through those times, especially for those of us that want more in life or we want more for ourselves and we're ready to change and we [00:03:00] want to heal, break generational curses and traumas and all these things. These moments that call to us to change our ways or make life-changing decisions, or to even just follow this little voice that we have within ourselves that's like, Hey, go this way, what about that? You know, It's like, when we take those opportunities to really lean in on those inklings, on those gut instincts, it can really lead us into something so much more to something that's bigger than ourselves and also to answers to our prayers and it was just such a trip because even though at the time that this started percolating, I wasn't exactly holding intentions to change my life.
So that's why even if we're not like, on the path, if you're listening to this podcast, you probably are, but it's just some [00:04:00] kind of like the universe works in such mysterious ways, you know? Now one thing that I really want to take a moment to just like share my love and appreciation for embodiment is because once you know, I transferred into university in 2010 where I began my somatic education and um, really cultivating that embodied presence within myself. It was that two year, 2010 to 2012, when I started cultivating that self-awareness and really expanding my consciousness and getting more in touch with myself as a body, in my bodily sensations and my physical reactions, you know? Um, and so it's like when I was able to practice expanding my self-awareness and my embodied awareness, it was only then that I was able to, I mean, I don't know if it would have been the only thing to help me at the time that it did, when I realized, [00:05:00] oh, something's got to change, but I know that it had a really big part in it because in 2012 much earlier in the year, I started getting ideas, like these thoughts started running through my mind of ideas, of breaking up with my boyfriend, who I was with for eight years at the time, it was like four years in high school and four years in college. And the first two years were community college and then the final two years were in the university where I was doing somatic education.
And it was like, these thoughts were just like the idea, just little subtle whispers of breaking up with him. And it took me a little bit to realize the panic that started happening within me. When I would think about the idea of breaking up with him and it was like, my heart would start racing, my palms would start getting sweaty, my shoulders were start creeping up to my ears and I would shrink, I would collapse in [00:06:00] on myself. And not only that, even though I'm a very kinesthetic person like my physical sensations speak a lot louder to me than my thoughts do, it takes me a little while to like follow my train of thoughts
but once I became aware of the way that my body was reacting, I then started noticing of like the quality of thoughts that I was having and the fearful responses that were happening. And so it was like the ideas and the thoughts of breaking up with him. And then, oh, I would get into a panic and oh, but what's going to happen to me? And like, I can't be away from him then, like, who am I? And then like, it was like all of these fearful thoughts were just clouding my mind and it happened enough times and started getting louder and louder and louder, to the point where I finally woke up in this moment and I realized like, wait a minute, why am I behaving in this way? Like [00:07:00] is, is this even okay? Like that's actually not, this doesn't seem okay. Like this isn't healthy, right? I was like, why am I so afraid to be away from this person?
And I had to get real with myself in that moment and get honest with myself. Like do I actually, I don't see myself with this person for the rest of my life. I really don't. And once I started becoming honest with myself, Um, that's when it was easier for me to like, in a way disassociate from my physical experience, it was as if I became a second or third person in the room, right. Like there's my partner, even though he wasn't physically there at the moment, but there's my partner that's involved in this relationship with me. And then there's me having that response in relation to the partnership. Right.
And then, because I became self-aware and I was able to be that bird's eye view or like that fly on the wall, that outside perspective looking in and being like, Hey, this ain't okay, [00:08:00] this is unhealthy and what are you so afraid about and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it was in that moment, even though I didn't break up with him right away, it took some time for me to digest it I took that time for me to really sit with it and being like, wow, how long have you been doing this for and am I going to keep doing this? And so even though it took a lot more courage than I realized to break up with him, and that's why we kept going with it into maybe about midway of the year, it was just such a critical moment for me to realize how important it was for me to acknowledge that inner voice and acknowledge the true sensations that were happening within me and to respect them too, right.
Um, so anyway the year went on and Coachella came around. Are you familiar with Coachella? It's a very big mainstream, large [00:09:00] festival, really caters to the masses. Okay. So, yeah, at that time had already gone to Coachella for four years and that was the last year that I had went so far.
But I knew, um, me and my friends mobbed it real deep. There must've been like 20 or so of us caravaning into Coachella and camping together. And I even took my younger cousin and you know, we get into Coachella, set up shop, we're having fun, blah, blah, blah. And so me and my cousin kind of stick together a lot of the time along with my boyfriend. But then there were moments where he was, you know, maybe in a bad mood or something, right.
And, um, There was a time where like he walked away, I don't know to go do something, I think and she kinda made a comment, I don't know what she said, but we were talking kind of in relation to him and his behavior but I was just like, you know what? Like, this is actually the last hurrah that I'm having with him.
And [00:10:00] basically, like I hadn't told him, I hadn't told anyone really, even my closest friends. Um, but she's someone that I just, I love so dearly. She's one of my closest cousins that I have. And so, yeah, I was just like, yeah, actually I, um, I'm gonna break up with him. And I just knew it. And it was that Coachella moment where I'm like, oh, this is happening. I just don't know when and where, and I'm sure as hell not going to do it in Coachella.
It's like, fuck, you know, So anyway. Our time goes on at Coachella. And then eventually, I ended up finding this one state that had been there the entire time. Maybe they're still there, but regardless there's a side stage that is thrown on by a company called the do lab. And if you're familiar with lightning in a bottle, the do lab throws on lightning in a bottle. But anyway, I didn't know about lightning in a bottle then.
So the do lab had this side stage and I was like, wow, like, why haven't I ever hung out at this stage? Like, this is really fun. They were like shooting a bunch of water at everybody, they had like, you know, it was house [00:11:00] music, but they also had different styles of music. And I was just like, oh, this is cool.
And like, everybody was really friendly. And so. It just stuck out to me a lot. And then eventually once we go home, um, I find the do lab and I get on their mailing list. And so time went on, eventually I break up with my boyfriend, um, and we're like, it was kind of a weird messy breakup where, like I broke up with him. We knew we were broken up, but I was still like, somewhat seeing him, but like, we were like slowly breaking up. I don't know. It was kind of weird, but anyway, eventually we go our separate ways and the do lab emails me one day. And it was like, Hey, we're going to Egypt. Like, we're going to throw this festival at Egypt for December 21st, 2012.
Now I took it as, oh, Hey, that's a great birthday celebration, my birthday's December 22nd, yes, tomorrow, if you're listening to this on [00:12:00] the launch of the podcast day. So anyway, um, I'm like, yeah, birthday trip, like hell yeah. They had payment plans as a full-time college student, even with like two to three jobs at some time at some points, like, you know, I needed the payment plan. So I was like, yeah, let's do it and I posted on my Facebook page and so two of my friends are like, Hey, we're coming with you, we want to go too. So, you know, I continue on with school. I'm single. Um, eventually we pack our bags to get ready for Egypt.
And so we go and we have a layover in London, and that was really fun for like eight hours. We got to go in the underground and just like walk around and stuff and have a beer at a pub. Um, and yeah, so then we get back on the plane, we get there and we settle in Egypt.
Um, at Cairo and we've settled into a hotel. And one of the two hotels that the do lab kind of booked for the event one of [00:13:00] them was kind of an extension to the festival, so they had a bunch of panels there, there was discussions and speakers and stuff, and there was like an after party or whatever.
Um, so a lot of the artists, a lot of people were in that particular hotel that we were staying in. And so we, we get in, we check in, we settle and I start meeting people. And eventually we start finding out that there is like a shuttle going to the Egyptian pyramids. And I was like, oh, like, I didn't, I didn't know that.
I just knew about the festival, right? So the festival was one evening and it was on the plateau of the pyramids, they rented out like a massive tent and so they had like a whole festival there, right. The pyramids are all lit up and it looks so beautiful right on December 21st. And so anyway, um, I hear about this shuttle going like a day or two before the main festival and I was like, oh, I didn't know about that. So I find out we have, they're like separate tickets, so we managed to get on the bus and we go, and it's after hours. [00:14:00] So there's like public hours, right, for everybody and then there's the after hours for private tours. And so we were part of a private tour. And we go and you know, we get into like this channel, like it's a tiny, it's like a square channel that you climb up and down the pyramid in.
But it's short, you're basically in a squatting position the entire time, you're like walking down or walking up into the chambers. Um, so anyway, we climbed down first into this like basement kind of chamber, I forgot what they called it, but it was cool. We go down in there, we kind of tour around and all this stuff, having fun with our little headlamps cause it's dark. And then we go there, like, okay, we're about to go, everyone's heading to the King's chamber. And so we had backup, the channel and to another channel into this kind of like a hallway that's really tall and there's hieroglyphics on the wall and it's like, whoa, it's like the entrance into the King's [00:15:00] chamber.
And so we go in and it's dark. They had covered up all the lamps that they light up the room with and they had these little like battery powered tea lights on at the edges of the walls. And so everybody's kind of like cramming in and everybody sits in a circle and it's like a circle within a circle within a circle cause there's so many of us trying to like sit together.
Um, and eventually everyone gets settled and I can tell, like, it's hard to see even my hand for my face. Like, I don't really know what's going on and so we settle in. And then I don't even honestly remember what they're talking about, but I'm pretty sure they opened up like the ceremony. Right. They begin the ceremony, they open up a sacred circle and then eventually some women start singing, one singing and then another singing and they go back and forth with these songs.
And as I started settling in listening to the songs, and honestly, I don't know if it was light language or what way was a different language. I don't [00:16:00] know what they were singing about. But it was beautiful either way. And I just start to feel this heaviness kind of move through my back and up over my head.
I start kind of curling in, on myself a little bit. And I can feel like all of a sudden, all of this, like energy starts coming up and through like towards my head. And then it starts coming out in tears and I just start crying and crying and all of us, I could really feel the depths of the sadness. Just start bubbling up and bubbling up and bubbling up. And I'm just crying.
And I don't even know why I'm crying. I was just like, wow, this is so cool, going into the Egyptian pyramids, and then all of a sudden, I just burst out into tears. And that's all I really remember within that ceremonial space because it was dark and it actually reminds me of an Iowasca ceremony that I've experienced a few but I was sober and I was [00:17:00] just really deep within myself, allowing all of these emotions to flow up in through me. And I'm just so grateful that I took that time to really trust in the process and trust what was happening. It was as if like there was something within myself and like a palm was at the back of my heart just being like, Hey, I got you, you're held, you're not alone and you're cared for, just ride the wave. Right.
And so I allowed myself to just cry and cry and cry and cry and then eventually I started catching my breath. I wasn't crying so much. And they were talking, I don't know about what, honestly, I was so deep in my experience. I don't remember what they were saying in the ceremony.
Um, but eventually. As I started kind of like coming to and getting more present, like with the people in the space, all of a sudden I hear like these voices coming up from the entrance of the King's chamber and then everybody starts getting up like [00:18:00] abruptly, right. And then, like they're grabbing the scarves off of the lamps and like they're grabbing the tea lights and turning them off or kicking them under things, or like everyone's like picking each other up kind of, because apparently it's illegal to hold ceremony inside the King's chamber. Like they will tell you, you can't meditate, you can't sing, you can't like do any of that inside the Egyptian pyramids. And not only that one, like we had traveled at a different time of the festival to tour different pyramids. And we went to the red pyramid and me and some friends were just like singing and like having a really fun time.
And then the guard came in was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like you can't do that. So it's just really interesting that like, I didn't know it at the time. And it was so weird. But everybody was standing up and talking and all of a sudden, like people were just talking about random shit, you know, to make it seem like, oh, we're just hanging out, like whatever, you know, nothing's weird going on here, no woo shit. [00:19:00]
So, I was just like, ah, and I like kinda had like my camera in my lap too, I was trying to record it, but it was really, you know, I was like almost pitch black. I couldn't see what I was doing, but anyway, you know, everyone's getting up. And so I'm like kind of wiping my eyes and I'm just like, oh, okay.
Uh, oh, everyone has supposed to, oh, okay. All right. And so, yeah, we kind of move on it wasn't really, um, You know, we didn't really get to end the ceremony in a good way because the guards, like they came and they were like, what the hell is going on here? And then they didn't want to leave until we left the pyramids. But it was just a really interesting moment because even though I didn't know what was going on exactly, I don't know, I didn't know why I was crying so hard, but I just knew deep within myself that my life was never going to be the same. I didn't know how, I didn't understand what was going to change?
But I just knew that it [00:20:00] was like the ending of something. And the beginning of another thing. And I'm just really, really grateful for that ceremony. And we even got to lay in this king sarcophagus there it was actually like the placeholder of the sarcophagus, right? Where they like in case the body, I didn't lay in the encasing, but I laid the area where they put the encasing down into.
Um, and so did that and there was some tuning forks, like I'd never seen tuning forks, mind you, I had never heard of burning man. Okay. I was not woke at all. Okay. And like, I'd never heard of the conscious neat scene, I've never heard of like transformational festivals, like I was completely oblivious to the culture and everything that was going on.
Um, and so yeah, tuning forks and this and that, and like all sorts of stuff was going on. I didn't know. I was just having a grand old time. But [00:21:00] eventually we leave we, get out of the pyramids, you know, say goodnight to the guards or whatever, and we go back to the hotel. And we just continue the party and later on they have like these panels, and it was so interesting to see in the same room. There was like two panels, two screens, right. So they were doing speech on one side and they're setting up for the next one to go back to back. Right. And so I remember taking a C and just listening in, like, there was one panel of someone saying, you know, scientifically and historically, like what's in the textbooks of like how the pyramids were made. Right. And then that one ended and immediately the next one began. And then it was this other person that was talking about how the aliens helped make the pyramids and all of that completely like the opposite of what was just said. And I was like, whoa, wait a minute, they're cool with that?
It was so interesting to see various topics that seemed opposing of each other, [00:22:00] being able to be spoken about, in the same room with no one arguing. And I was just like, wow, this is so freaking cool. And that just like really stood out to me, you know? And then there was like the dance parties and getting to know the artists, like I even met like desert dwellers and stuff and just different things. It was really, really cool. Um, and it was a bit of a culture shock, to be honest, like, they were wearing different clothes, it was like they were talking a different language and I just couldn't believe what I had gotten myself into. And so time went on, we went to tour other pyramids and eventually the main festival came around and were all there. And there was like the, oh gosh, what are they called? The twirling dervishes. Oh, excuse me if I totally said that wrong. What is it called? Anyway, it's like from, um, people of that traditional culture. There was [00:23:00] these men wearing many layers of skirts. And there we're taking off layers and layers of these skirts. while they're spinning, basically like eyes up rolled back in behind their head, like in this trance, taking off these layers of skirts over their heads. And it was just, it went on and on and on. And me as a dancer, I was just like, wow. My mind was just blown. It was a very simple choreography, just spinning.
But the, the energy and the beautiful traditional clothing that they were wearing and the music, the traditional music that was going on with it was just, I was brought to tears. It blew me away and then the night went on and like the D days came on, you know, blah, blah, blah. He was smoking hookah and this and that. And, um, it was just so freaking cool.
There was one ceremony that happened that I didn't get to. It was like a hundred bucks to get to it and I didn't have enough money at that point.
And I was just like, man, like, God, like. [00:24:00] I'll pay you once I get home, but they still wouldn't let me on the bus. Um, but it was this one where they went to the Sphinx and they go into the area that is the same like floor level of the Spinx and that is gated off to the public. Okay.
Um, you have to have some kind of special access to get there, but they held a ceremony literally in between the paws of the Sphinx. And there's this like, I don't know what you would call it as this thing that stands up in between there's like this ancient, you know, writing that's on it. And so, anyway, they had a ceremony there. And even though I wasn't at that ceremony, years later, actually, when I was pregnant, I went to a different festival called what was it called?
Symbiosis. That's what it was called. A symbiosis of Northern California. Um, and they did this week long intensive study. And you could study either like visionary art or permaculture. And then there was one that was like [00:25:00] dance and ritual or something like that. And so of course I did that one.
And, and so I'm there and it was the week leading up to the main festival. Um, and the two women that were co-facilitating that entire movement in ritual intensive for the entire week, um, they were the ones that were holding the ceremonies at Egypt. And I remember when they like, started talking about it and I was like, wait, I was there. And they were like, what? And I was like, yeah. And I told them all about it, like, obviously I was there, like all the details that I was telling them that they knew. And so, and I remember one of the ladies asking me like, oh, did you go with us to the Spinx? And I was like, no, I couldn't make it on the bus, wouldn't let me. And she was like, oh, what? She was like, well, you know, I did hold intentions that everyone that was at the festival, you know, that were present with them at the festival would receive the activation codes or whatever. And so I was like, well, thanks for doing that cause I was pretty bummed, I couldn't come.
Um, So it's been [00:26:00] such an interesting journey but after we left Egypt and started traveling back and we settled back at home, I actually started packing my bags for Australia. I had gotten accepted to study abroad first semester in 2013. And so within a month I was packing my bags and I left. And once I got to Australia, I was like, does anyone know about burning man? Because at Egypt they started telling me about burning man. Oh, you know, have you heard about lucidity and which is my favorite freaking festival. One of my favorites. Um, Yeah. So anyway. That's when it was like, they were telling me dropping all these little seeds right into my consciousness, just being like, yeah, go here. And there's and this and this and that. And so once I got to Australia, it was like, Hey, like, does anyone know about burning man? Like, do you know where I can find people that go to burning man or like the culture that this particular style of electronic music, like I want to get in touch with [00:27:00] these kinds of people. And it took me about three months, three months to finally find this underground party that was a album release party for Kalia scintilla, and I think Bumble and white bear, I believe, I don't remember. I don't think he goes by white bear anymore, but anyway, it was a really great time. Um, so I went to that party. And I'm finally connected with the people and that culture, and started going out to the bushtuvs, and heard side trans for the very first time in my life and my God, so much, you know, has changed. And of course, traveling alone for the very first time moved out of my mom's house for the very first time in 25 years, like it was a big, big year of change for me that 2012 into 2013 and traveling to a different country and then coming back, it was like, I was a completely [00:28:00] different person.
And because I had that ceremonial experience and I learned about winter solstice. Right. And then not only heard about like, remember when like the Mayan calendars were ending December 21st, 2012, and like, Um, the apocalypse was being talked about and all this stuff, right? Well, that was actually the ending of an era and the beginning of a new one.
And I didn't know that at the time. So our solar system, within the Milky way galaxy was crossing an equator point. It takes 26,000 years for our solar system to cross the midway point of our galaxy. And so that was what the ancient calendars were indicating.
And that's what people from around the world. I didn't know this until I came home. I didn't know people in Egypt, people at the Mayan pyramids people, Stonehedge like many many people were all across the [00:29:00] globe at sacred sites to celebrate this dawning of a new era. And, um, and I just went for my birthday.
But anyway, it's like all of the puzzle pieces started coming together and I realized like, wow. Okay. This is so much bigger than myself and what an honor it is to be a part of this collective awakening. Um, and of course it's like, that was just the very beginning, you know, that was like the very green shoots that were coming out of the little plant that is now starting to blossom 10 years later, look at our culture, look at like our society and the way that like, things are crumbling and all of this stuff, like, wow.
I just, I really wanted to take this moment to share this 10-year anniversary of my own spiritual awakening because even just to stand up or, you know, be here [00:30:00] and stand up to a mic, to share this with my voice is such a big thing for me. I don't know if you listened to the very first episode of the podcast, but I started talking about how I was born as a late talker and my family enrolled me into a special education and I worked with a speech therapist for an entire academic year. And so there was all this pressure.
All this questioning all this doubt, all this worry around my voice that I started having limiting beliefs around. And even though I had dance to really help me get through life, honestly, it helped me survive. I didn't have dance, honestly, I don't know if I would still be here today, honest truth. Okay. Even though I had that creative art that I didn't need vocal expression for, because I had all of these like limiting beliefs and fear and possibly trauma around my voice. Um, I was still able to dance, right?
Yet [00:31:00] throughout my growth with dance and now embodiment, and also coming into a place of leadership You know, I'm barely stepping into this role of leading others, I have been on this path of leading my own self, of being the leader of my own life, being a leader within my family. And just having that say within my life of what I want and what I don't want and how I'm going to create it. And if I'm going to be a active participant as a co-creator of my own life, I am so proud of myself for being here today. Because this is a new phase of my life of using my voice and expressing myself in this way through spoken word or through song. I just started playing the frame drum and learning how to sing medicine songs. And so It kind of feels like from the floor up, with dance and embodiment and [00:32:00] embodied awareness, I really was able to develop myself and grow myself from the bottom up, body to mind. But now it's come up to my throat and it's time for me to share and speak up and speak out and just be here to share the wisdom that I have so that it may inspire you to do the same.
And so that's really my intention of this episode today that there are some really critical moments in our life that shows up for a very specific reason. And even though maybe you already know what I'm talking about and it's like, you know what? Yeah, there's something that's been tapping me on the shoulder and I haven't really been, you know, taking the steps in alignment with that. It's okay. Because if you get real with yourself, and actually make a clear decision of like, you know what, I want something greater for myself. I am ready for this next evolutionary phase of my life, the universe will guide [00:33:00] you and provide you opportunities to be able to take the next step. Yeah. Even though it's scary, and even though there's so much unknown and uncertainty on the way there, and throughout that journey, it is so worth it. It is so, so worth it. And, um, yeah. So that is what's really reminded me of how important it is and how fulfilling it is to be led by spirit.
I feel like when I listened to my higher self and when I listened to my intuition, when I respect the gut instincts that I have, I'm learning more and more that's actually the guidance of something bigger than myself. That's actually the guidance of my higher self and it's guiding me to something that my soul wishes to experience through me.
Yeah. It's something that the universe wishes to [00:34:00] experience through me. Um, and so I just want to be here to support you in doing the same, to provide the tools and the resources and the support, and just being someone here in your life that has been there that has gone through it in some way or another.
Yeah. Um, So yeah. Thank you so much for tuning in. And I know, there's a couple of episodes that I feel like I talk a whole lot about myself, but honestly, I'm just tired of holding in these stories and I'm tired of holding back something that may be useful for you. So, thank you so much for being here and, um, hopefully I'll see you in the winter solstice embodied ceremony podcast launch party. And if not, it's totally cool.
Definitely follow me on Instagram at embodied ritual and let's connect. Of course, if there are any questions that you have for me, please pop into my DMS. If you've got anything that you'd like for me to [00:35:00] cover on the podcast, I am open to what's on your mind and what you'd like for me to shine some more light on. Okay.
Awesome. All right, well, take care. Happy winter solstice. If you're listening on this beautiful day. If not happy holidays, happy new year and blessings on this new cycle ahead. Mwah
