25 | The Pattern I’m Done Repeating (And What I’m Choosing Instead) in Business & Leadership
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Hey, and welcome back, both you and I onto the Spiritually Embodied Leader Podcast. It's been five, almost six months since the last podcast episode was published, and while there has been a whole lot going on, I also recognize a pattern of mine that actually I, I don't wish to claim anymore. Like it's not mine.
It's just this tendency, this habit that I have started to recognize happen over and over and over again. And I'm just like, you know what? I am going to continue to see this thing through. Because if I were to listen to the fear, if I were to give into my ego, I would just give up and not come back. And every single time, even if I am just like, you know what, yeah.
I'm gonna walk away from this whole entrepreneurial thing, each and every time I find myself being pulled back to the insatiable need, this craving, this urge to build an online coaching business.
I am here to just share what's been going on with me and to share what is to come. And, uh, I'm just giving a huge shout out to the Business by Design community. I am in the midst of the BBD Live conference, extravaganza from being in the BBD community since 2019.
It was actually James Wedmore, who was my very first online business coach. And, um, even though I've gone to many different other programs, I have invested heavily into business and learning from various coaches and mentors. James has been the first one and honestly the one and only one that I have returned to again and again and again.
And so I am feeling extra inspired right now, very supported. And I have a whole team of people behind my back right now, just supporting me as I return again. And the thing is, as you continue on your entrepreneurial journey, there's going to be challenges.
There's going to be issues and bumps in the road that will push you up against the wall to make a decision toward your vision or push you up against the wall to be like, Hey, how many more times are you gonna have to learn this lesson? Right? And the thing is, if until the lesson is actually learned, it's just gonna keep repeating itself.
And so I am here to just speak to it, to be honest, to be vulnerable, to be just straight up with you. Because even though I'm myself am helping other conscious entrepreneurs with spiritual embodiment, right, so that they can learn to regulate their nervous system and realign their energy and transform their way of being so that they can cultivate the clarity and the consistency and the confidence needed to build a dream business.
And you may have recognized this for yourself, that when you are called to teach something to a group of people, you will find yourself going through the trials and tribulations of that thing you actually teach. And it's like, okay, now it's time to apply the very thing that I practice into a real life experience.
And so, yes, here we are.
The last episode that I had published was during a launch actually, or I should say, was gearing up to open the cart to a brand new group coaching program, and I noticed that there is a repeating pattern where when I get ready to launch something, something in my life will come up that seems really important for me to put my launch, put my business, put whatever it is that I was working on off to the side, and prioritizing motherhood, prioritizing my job, prioritizing other things that seemed just more important enough where I then allowed myself to stop what I was doing that I really wanted to do in order for me to take care of these other things.
And when I was talking to a coach today, he was just like. The thing is, unless it's your daughter or a dear family member of yours that's in the emergency room, like what else is just as important that you would stop what you're doing in your business?
And I'm just like nothing. There really wouldn't be anything. But I was allowing myself to just give my power away to these things. So, because obviously, our egos, our nervous systems are wired for survival. And when it comes to the unknown, when it comes to things that are stretching us a bit too far, the ego, the nervous system, the subconscious mind will want to go back to doing things how they have been in order to stay safe, in order to conserve energy, in order to avoid danger in any way, shape, or form.
So I recognize that, right? This is the work that I do. Yet, the thing is I hid. I didn't really ask for support and that will really make it or break it. And so time went on and eventually, as I was thinking again of relaunching be like, no, I'm gonna get back to this. I'm gonna get back to this.
There was a situation going on with my job and while I feel like it was just another excuse for me to put my business on the back burner again, I also realized the beauty in it where I was an employee for a cleaning company and they decided to change business models to go from employee to independent contractor. And when we made that switch, I was just like, hold up.
I can actually start my own business and have my own clientele get paid what I wanna be paid and work the hours that I wanna work and run the business that I feel like would be a lot better than what I was experiencing in this other company. And so I just put everything else on hold. Well, I just put my entire coaching business on hold and I went full force into the cleaning business.
And within two months of becoming an independent contractor, I finally replaced my income with my own clientele and I was able to quit the company and be a hundred percent self-employed, which was actually a very distinctive declaration that I made at the beginning of 2025, and I was recording an audio message to my best friend, and I remember that moment.
I was, I was, it sounded a bit angry, not angry. I was just like, you know what? 2025 is gonna be the very last year that I am an employee. I'm gonna be a hundred percent self-employed, and this is it. This is the year. Now, of course, I thought. Oh, that's gonna happen through the coaching business. Of course.
Clearly, right? But for whatever reason, the universe was like, you know what? We're just gonna get you going now. Not when you think you're gonna do it. Not how you are trying to control the situation and the way you want it to be done. No, you're gonna do it now and it's going to be in this opportunity. So I took it.
Even though throughout the years there's been failures and some successes and a couple steps forward and a few steps back, right through the coaching business, it has been kind of weighing me down. You know, when there's so many times of what seems to be like proof of why it's not working out, it's easy to start to believe it.
And so when I ventured off into this whole cleaning business thing to be a solo house cleaner, everything just started lining up. The synchronicities were coming through and I figured it out. It was really helpful for me to be like, look, Cynthia, you are a business owner. Look at this. You just created this business and now you're a hundred percent self-employed yet even though that bit of taste of freedom is amazing and I absolutely love it. I enjoy it. I like cleaning.
And the thing is, I'm also being like, yeah, but the shoes still don't fit. You know, I like the style, but it's just not it. It's not it. I want more freedom. I want time freedom, location freedom, financial freedom. I feel very capped. And even though yes, I can expand the business, and I hear a lot of my family members, like, Cynthia, you can grow this whole cleaning business into the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, but that does not light me up. Okay.
And it'll never, ever be worth it when it does not light your soul on fire. When it doesn't truly make you happy. Yeah, it might meet your needs, your immediate financial needs that you have. Right? Especially for me as a single, homeschooling mom. Like I got a mouth to feed. I got a roof over my head to keep for me and my daughter and, and other things going on.
So at least for now, I am so grateful for trusting myself and just fucking going for it. Yet I know that my soul's calling that's going to take more, you know, time and effort and work and skills to develop is actually in the direction of the coaching business. And mark my words, you heard it first here.
Eventually the coaching business will take over the cleaning business and I will not have to right through obligation and certain responsibilities that I have chosen for myself that I am more than happy to keep yet i, I, the co cleaning business will not have to meet those needs anymore because the coaching business is going to take over and I'm really looking forward to it. And here we are. One step at a time.
Yeah, so that was exciting, honestly, and it's been fun. And I also went through an entire initiation, a warrior spirit initiation called Kambo Body Bliss. Last year in October, I believe I put out two episodes about my own experience. I think it's episode 17, and then I brought on the facilitator of the entire initiation, Aluna Lua, and I believe that's episode 18. They're back to back. So if you see KBB in or Kambo Body Bliss in the title of the episodes, you can dive into that.
So I'm just having these full circle moments just deeper integrations, deeper lessons. And it's been said, and I agree with this, that if an issue keeps coming up, it's a lesson that you need to go deeper on. It's not that it hasn't been learned yet. You know, people are like, gosh, I thought I took care of that already. I thought, like, I'm sure you've had that experience, right? Like, I thought I fucking dealt with this already. Like, I thought I, I, you know, kind of like.
Put a little bow on it. And that was that. And it's not that you didn't do the work before, it's that you're cycling back around and it's going a level deeper. It's going even deeper under the surface. And so that's where I feel like I'm, I'm at right now and I'm learning to even deeper fortify my frequency and further integrate.
You know, like last year it was the newness of a lot of things and I was like, wow. Like it's just like that first exposure, right? And now that I'm back into it with more experience now I'm just like, oh, okay. Like there's a lot more steadiness that is happening within me. And that is a steadiness that I wish to also share with you as you are embarking onto your entrepreneurialship journey and developing yourself as a business owner and not just a business owner,
but someone that is truly following their dharma because it really is when we are stepping towards the soul's calling that is what will scare you the most. That is what's like the, oh my God, that will stretch you beyond your limits that you thought was even possible, and it takes a lot of strength. It takes so much deconditioning and rewiring and healing ourselves that maybe a, a different nine to five or working at Walmart or whatever, you know, and I'm not saying that it's bad or anything, it's just that that's not stretching you.
It's not asking so much more out of you that you can't avoid having ego deaths. You cannot avoid facing your fear. There is an attunement and a resonance that I've been undergoing and had this whole BBD Live is helping me to get back online, get back here with you. And thank you so much for being here, for listening, for tuning in.
Because while I am finding my footing as I am, even though feeling like I wouldn't say imposter, like I know who I am, I know the medicine that I'm here to share. It's just uncomfortable to be like, Hey, I don't got it all figured out. I feel like an amateur. Okay. I think that's more it. If I feel, I still feel like I don't got it all figured out.
I am still kind of feeling like I'm throwing spaghetti at the wall and, um, it's messy and it's this liminal space where. You are not where you have been, but you're not quite where you're going. And it's this, that, it's that gooey, messy middle where you're not the caterpillar anymore, but you're not fully the butterfly yet either.
And even though it's this like, ah, like uncomfortable thing to like, let go of this past life, let go of this timeline. Yet there's this pull to something bigger and beautiful that is meant for you, right? That you're like, yeah, I want this, I want this. But there's this like grieving process at the same time while we're elevating into a new timeline and it's, it's messy.
And I see you 'cause I am you and I, I get it. And I am excited to share as I continue on what has helped me and what continues to support me and what I'm exploring with. And wish to just, just share to see if that may be helpful for you too.
I also have set a date for the second go around of this launch for a group coaching program to support you discovering spiritual embodiment so that you can cultivate the clarity and the consistency and the confidence that's needed to build your dream business. Yeah, to follow through on your soul's calling and step into that leadership role that your Dharma is calling you forward.
Now, one thing I can say right now is that the biggest theme that has been playing through, over, and over and over again is the tremendous support of community, the impact of having a mentor, a teacher, a coach of some kind that has walked into the shoes that you are ready to wear.
And being able to lean in and open up and be vulnerable and speak out and ask for support, not just of the facilitator, but also from your peers around you and the community, the container.
I was guided through a meditation, connecting with this future version of myself that already has this big, grandiose vision that has manifested. And as I stepped into that timeline and saw through my eyes at that point and heard what I could hear and see what I could visualize and feel what I had felt in that moment, I was also reflecting back on like,
what did I do? What helped me to get here in this moment, in this success and this experience? And it was the podcast and various other things that I wrote down on a bullet point list. And it was the podcast that stood out to me the most.
And the thing is, it's like when I found myself in the environment surrounded by people that are on the same path, that are holding the same vision and in the same rooms of other people that already are at the level that we aspire to be at. Like when you would and change your environment that automatically, immediately impacts you on a very visceral level, on a very subconscious level, and we all start to vibrate and attune ourselves to that frequency.
And that is what has inspired me to come back to creating the group coaching program so that there is an environment for all of us to come together and dive deep into practical, tangible, visceral practices of spiritual embodiment and coming together as a community to have each other's back and to encourage each other to go through the practice, to do the things that you know you're meant to do,
but for whatever reason, you've been putting on the back burner. You've been giving your power away. You've been allowing the excuses to just make up all of this noise. Right. And hey, it's okay. It happens. Yet, if you are still unsatisfied with your life and you're just like, God damnit, like, I just can't live with myself doing this again and again and again, and I just want to break through, I just want to help support myself to start to pave a new way.
And the thing is, our nervous system will pave habits, will pave mindsets, beliefs so much for so long that it doesn't just come become a overused trail along the mountain side. Over the years, it's like we start to then build a road. It then becomes like a cemented freeway that we just ride over and over and over and over again.
And then when we start to want to change ourselves and head in a new direction in life, we're going to take the off ramp, but the thing is, it's not a cement highway. This is a brand new road. And so it's like this dirt road that's very what do they say? It's a, um, the, the path least walked or whatever. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, but you walk a new path and it's like you're just starting to create the footsteps in the sand, right? You're just starting to go over it again and again and again, and then it's pretty common for us to find ourselves like, oh shit, I'm back onto this old highway that I was so sick and tired of.
Why am I doing this again? It's like, Hey, these are just grooves that have been set into our nervous system and cemented in for so long. You are going to have to get off the ramps over and over and over again. And the thing is, we get so wrapped up. In doing that same old thing, that we do need other people, other environments, other incentives, other mentors.
That are helping us to get off the ramp and into a new direction. Yeah. And so that's why I'm a huge advocate of hiring the coach, getting in touch with that mentor, following the breadcrumbs into different communities. Yeah. And some of them may not hit the spot, and that's okay because it's teaching you what it is that you actually want by experiencing the thing that you don't want.
Okay. Contrast is an amazing teacher. It really is uncomfortable, and it can be shitty sometimes, but hey, it teaches you nonetheless. So then you refine even more what it is that you are seeking. Yeah. And when you start to find more of the people, the places, the community, the spaces that you're just like, oh yeah, this is what really meets the needs that you have been having.
So, yeah, over the coming weeks I'm gonna be sharing more about this new opportunity, this community that's starting to cultivate that I'm feeling. I'm like, Ooh, yeah. Like, it's gonna be fucking amazing. And I'm just, I'm so excited. And also there's, there's, um, other things that are coming into my life as well, and I'm just like, okay, the thing is.
Life is gonna life, right? Life is gonna happen no matter what. And the pattern that I am breaking for myself is to stop putting my business on the back burner and just take care of it first and foremost. And of course, get to the things that are lifeing, right? Life is gonna life, and that's just the way it is.
I'm done giving my power away to all the excuses and pointing my finger, blaming family members, blaming my job. Whatever the hell is going on, for the reason of why I decided to stop taking care of my dream business.
So once I head home after BBD Live, I'm going to be moving homes. While in the past I have moved homes a few times, just in the past couple years. Okay. And of course it's this, the cycle that comes around where I'm like, oh, but I gotta do this. Oh, but I gotta pack and all, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And uh, yeah, I'm just like, no, you know what? I'm going to run a business, two, actually I'm running one business and building a second while I move homes. And so, yeah. And it's exciting because this 2025 is a nine year right? If you're into numerology, two plus zero, plus two plus five equals nine and nine in numerology is symbolic of endings.
Okay. Because when you get into a 10 year, which one plus zero equals one? That is a new beginning. That is a brand new cycle. Yet the number nine is the ultimate ending of this past cycle that has been going on. It has been very much that, and I feel like this entire cycle that I have been sharing about this, this is part of it.
This is that, that ending of that too, where I'm just like, enough is enough, right? Like I'm, I'm, I'm rewriting this script. Okay? So you're just seeing me do that in real time. And hey, I may slip up, I may waiver back and forth a little bit, but I am still going to show up and do things even just a little bit differently because when you start to put in that 1% aligned action, just even one per percent, it compounds over time again and again, and again.
Even if you were on an airplane and you just set the coordinates off by one degree different, that over time is going to set you off in a completely different destination.
So I am excited for all that's to come because I have been ending a lot of cycles, not just in business, but also in relationships. Romantic relationships as well as family relationships and breaking a cycle that I have found myself in since I was a young child and I will probably get into that another time because that's a very big rabbit hole and I feel like that that is going to require me to sit down and really flesh out, taking notes of just kind of processing it because it's, it's, it's huge. It's, it's huge. So anyway.
Ah. Thank you so much for tuning into the Spiritually Embodied Leader Podcast. I'm really looking forward to sharing more of what has helped me to cultivate the ways in which I gain clarity, the ways in which I continue to establish more consistency and build up upon the confidence that I have gained over the years.
To help me continue along this path because when we really tap into the power of time. Think about the Grand Canyon, the river, the water that has over time, over consistent flow against the rocks, against the dirt There. Look at what it has created. I am just that river and it is such a blessing to share this process with you.
Okay. I think that's it for now. Thank you so much and I'm really looking forward to continuing on this journey together.
Blessings.
