Ep 08 | How to Be More Present, Especially With Your Children (Part 1) (DONE)
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Cynthia: [00:00:00] Hi, welcome back to the Spiritually Embodied Leader Podcast. I am really looking [00:01:00] forward to these next couple of episodes because I'm gonna be making it as like a two-parter So the first part is going to be like this foundational piece of a particular practice I'm excited to share with you today.
And then the second part, the next episode is kind of like the second half of that practice. Um, because one part, like when you really get a feel for the first part of it and then you're like, okay, I kind of got the hang of this, like I can do it, like it's easier to do and all of that.
Then we add in this second layer of it and it's like oh wow, it really brings, brings the lesson, the medicine of it really back home and also helps to kind of have those evolutionary shifts and changes where it's like, oh, okay, this is actually what I wanted to get out of it. Um, even though the first part, you'll definitely get something out of it, it's just that the second part, it's like, okay, now it's more intentional of what it is that you wish to experience in terms of [00:02:00] who you are being. Okay. So it's an embodiment tool, a body-mind based practice that is going to help you be more aware of how you are being. And then the second part is how you wish to be, yeah? So you're aware of like, okay, this is how I am, now, how do I wish to be? And this was inspired by a former client of mine who asked this really beautiful question and I was like, oh my God, like this is something that I had, um, you know, realized like, oh, I really need to figure this thing out in like my earlier motherhood. I feel like I'm still in my early motherhood, but it was like the first year into the second year of motherhood.
When I realized and I'm like, wow, like I really wanna be more present with my kids. And, and that's when the panic attacks and high anxiety and just like being super dysregulated and not present and just like a lot of turmoil happening within my inner landscape that I was just like, okay, like this is [00:03:00] really hard, number one. And also it's very detrimental to my relationships. Not only like to my friends and family and adults and like especially my partner, but especially to my daughter. And like the children within our lives. And I'm just like, okay, this needs to change. So this particular, um, tool has been super helpful. I was applying it in my business and just like being able to lead and work with other people, right? But I realized how valuable it was when it started to impact and ripple into my motherhood and into my relationship with my daughter. And I was just like, oh my God, this is so beautiful.
So I knew that when, um, my client had asked me, she's like, you know, I'm, I'm not spending that much time with my kids. And when I'm with them, sometimes I'm not super present. And it's like they notice the times when she's like, when they're telling her about something or showing her something and she's like, oh, cool, okay, yeah, and like distracted, you know, not fully there for them or just [00:04:00] like, you know, maybe is a little tired and it's just like, ugh, like she doesn't really have the capacity to listen to them and everything that they have to share. And then they notice the other times when she's just like, oh wow, that's so cool, like, tell me more about it, and she's asking questions, there's more engagement between them and it's that really true heart to heart connection, you know? And she's just like now that she had started that job and it's a lot more stress and there's all this change going on in her life that she's like, I just wanna be more present with my kids.
How can I be more present with them? And I'm just like, wow, that's such a beautiful question. Because you know, one thing that I noticed, especially with embodiment coming into my life or, you know, it, resurfacing in my life, um, as a mom was that I, at first was so concerned about what everybody was doing and behaving, mostly my partner and my daughter.
Okay. Um, because it was like, okay, like I [00:05:00] want things in a certain way, and I'm just like, Ugh. Cuz I would get so reactive and triggered by what was happening in my home, right? And I'm just like, ugh, like, okay, like how can I engage with my partner in a way that, you know, he doesn't react this way or behave this way or whatever. Like, why is my daughter, you know, um, lashing out or throwing tantrums or whatever. Like when she, when she's actually crying or when she was really young and like, couldn't really communicate in English, like I didn't know what to do and it would freak me out. My anxiety would just like, that's when it would explode. In relation to, you know, not really having the capacity or being dysregulated or just like, totally not in touch with myself, I realized that the more that I started getting in touch, oh yes, it was because I was so concerned about what other people were doing that I was trying to control them in my environment, that I realized once I started shifting the attention back to myself and really [00:06:00] allowing the change to come from the inside out, right? Because the only a true control that we have over is only within ourselves, within our thoughts, within our feelings, within our habits, our behaviors, right? Who we are being. That's really the only control that we have. And so when I started reigning in, my energy, my attention only to myself and started beginning to change myself, that's when I started noticing significant changes, not only in the connection, but also it's like, oh, actually my, you know, children when they're so young, they really are feeding off our energy.
They really are, it's like their nervous system, um, matches our nervous system. So if we are dysregulated or we're anxious, or we're busy, or we're rushing, or we're completely lethargic and we're just out of touch, it's like they will mirror that. And so it's really important for us to get back in touch with ourselves and start to create the change within ourselves and regulate our [00:07:00] nervous system, so then our children have that to mirror off of. And I don't know if you've ever noticed it cuz I, when I started practicing this stuff, oh my God, it was such a shift. And even though it wasn't to say that like, I'm not saying that my daughter didn't ever have tantrums, it's that I had more control over myself and my emotions, and I was more present and capable to help her regulate her emotions, right?
She had someone that was that solid centered rock in her life that she could lean on, that she can learn from and learn how to regulate herself because her nervous system had somebody that was stable, right. Um, and then I was there to actually like, you know, teach her how to calm herself down or talk to her about her feelings when she was calm and all of this.
So this is super, super important, not just in terms of like helping with tantrums and stuff like that, um, but also who we are being within their lives, the role that we hold and the way that we are. I [00:08:00] mean, essentially we are the leader within the household, right? And so we are really showing them the way. And so this embodiment practice is a really great way for you to begin to really bring in that quote, be the change. Yeah? It's really allowing ourselves to begin that change from within and allowing that to lead the way, because honestly, children, everybody, we all learn from the ways people behave in terms of what they do, because a lot of the times people will say to do certain things, but they're not in integrity with that.
Right? And so this is a way that we can begin in being in integrity with what we wish and what we ask for, um, in terms of our children and also being the example for them, yeah? So this embodiment tool, it's called an Embodied Check-in. Yeah, and it's something that I learned from my current mentor, Mark Walsh, of Embodiment Unlimited. And I really loved how he just like made [00:09:00] this really simple practice. Honestly, it only takes like up to two minutes. Okay? And it may take a little, maybe five when you first start out and get used to it, but really it should only like a minute total when you start getting the hang of it and really good at it. Maybe two minutes when you start to bring in that second part. Yeah? That I had mentioned before that you'll be learning more about in the next episode.
So in this practice, it's a way for you to get conscious of what's actually happening within you and then be able to make a different choice for a different experience, right? It's like, okay, like I'm stressed out or I'm checked out from my kid and I can tell, like I'm not really connecting with them.
And it's like, okay, I gotta leave to work for an hour, like, uh, what do I do? So this is one of the most simplest ways that you can help yourself become more aware of how you are and what's happening within you, and then be able to choose how to be, how to connect, how to show up in that [00:10:00] way that you actually feel good about.
So the intention of these embodied check-ins is to help expand your capacity for self-awareness. Yeah? That's kind of like the first part, expanding your capacity for self-awareness so that you become more aware of your state in the moment.
Yeah? And the more that you practice being more aware in the moment, the more that you're able to sustain that awareness for longer periods of time. And so your capacity then expands and grows. And that's essentially part one, okay? And in the second part, which we'll be diving way more into in the next episode is like, okay, and once you become aware of how you are now, what can you do to change yourself in a way you wish to be?
Yeah? How do you wish to be? And how can you change that mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually within yourself to then show up that way? So, coming back to the first part, I really wanna help you [00:11:00] understand what this entails and how to do it. So I'm gonna like explain what the embodied check-in is and then we'll go through a guided practice, okay?
So that you can have this felt sensed experience of it, and then you'll be able to then practice it on your own. Between now and the when the next episode releases.
So the embodied check-in itself, it's all about taking a few moments to be with yourself as you become aware of what's happening within you in the present moment, in that moment that you are checking in with yourself and on one level you are going to focus on any physical sensations, yeah? Whether it's tension in your body, looseness in your body, the weight that you feel like if you're sitting somewhere, it's like you can feel the weight of your body in the chair or on the floor or in the car, whatever.
Um, you can feel for physical sensations of temperature, the sensation of your [00:12:00] breath, of like, okay, how am I breathing? And just keep in mind that it's pretty easy to like first acknowledge what's happening in discomforts. And maybe there's physical pain, maybe there's tension and it's like, oh, okay, this is uncomfortable.
But I also want you to be more aware of pleasure points, yeah? Of like, okay, this is tense, but this is also open like the back of my right shoulder just feels really nice and expansive right now it feels really light, there's no like, issue going on. So whenever you become aware of something that's uncomfortable or painful, take a moment to also be aware of the opposite of what's pleasurable, what's nice, what's open, yeah?
And then another level that you can focus on is being more aware of how you are emotionally. Yeah. Labeling your emotions, describing them, where is it located in your body? Does it have a shape to it? Is there a color?
And as a beginner, like if you've [00:13:00] never done an embodied check-in before, um, just doing the physical sensations and the emotional sensations are a really great place to start if you just do those, that's really great, okay? And then once you get, you know, you start practicing it for like a few, a handful of days and you get really used to it and it's easy for you to do. It's kind of quick or you are more like advanced in your embodied awareness, then you can start to pay closer attention to the thoughts going on in your mind, the stories that you have in that moment. As well as like maybe energetic or spiritual connections. The thing about being more aware mentally or energetically slash spiritually is that these may be harder to describe. These may be something more of like, okay, I sense this. I'm not sure how to describe it. And it may be like, multifaceted and it's like, uh, like it's kind of this word, and it's kind of this word like together, like, I don't know how to describe that. That's okay. As long as you become aware of it, kind of get that quality of it, and you become [00:14:00] really present and aware of what is happening within you, that's, that's totally fine. Um, and so there's, there's kind of the beginner and intermediate, yeah? So you've got the physical sensations, you've got the emotional sensations. Once you get really good that you're like, you can kind of, um, label it and describe it and locate it and all of that pretty quickly, then you become aware of like, how are you mentally, what are the quality of your thoughts?
Yeah. And how does that mood really affect you? How is it showing up for you in the moment? And then you can also be more aware of how you are energetically or spiritually.
Now, keep in mind that when you are checking in with yourself, it should only take one minute, like literally 60 seconds, okay? So what's gonna happen is an alarm will go off for you to get us queue to be like, okay, it's time to check in with yourself. You're going to check the time. [00:15:00] Make sure that you keep track of the one minute, and when you're ready, you start the one minute and you check in with yourself. And it takes about maybe 30 seconds to gather all the data, yeah? To be like, I'm aware of this, I'm aware of this emotion and it's residing here in my body right now. Maybe it's this color, or, you know, my, my head is really hot, but like my hands are really cold or whatever data you gather, it takes about 30 seconds to become aware of how you are in that moment, and then you have another 30 seconds and it's within those last 30 seconds that you get to then be with yourself, be with the emotions, possibly have a moment of like, Okay, this is actually happening right now and I can accept it. Like this is really how I am. Because, like for me, there have been times where I am so like anxious or I'm rushing so much that I'm like, [00:16:00] allowing myself to be distracted from myself and from what's actually happening on a deeper level. And so when I would, check in with myself and be like, okay, there's all this commotion going on.
It's like, okay, I am aware that I am rushing. I am aware that I am trying to stay busy. And so I can accept that and be like, okay, I can be with that. Eventually, it's like this lift off that hap- like, it's like a veil that gets lifted and it's like, what's underneath that? What's really here that I've been trying to distract myself from that I can finally be with.
Yeah, and sometimes it happens that way. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's like this, like I'm so busy or I'm so distracted with all of the to-do lists and mom life and keeping up with the house and the chores and this and that, that when I finally get to check in with myself, I'm like, oh, thank goodness.
It's like I yearn for it. [00:17:00] It's this final exhale that I'm just like, oh my goodness, I can finally slow down. I give myself permission to slow down, to check in, to be like, how am I? How am I really? Right? It's so important to be like, what's really going on here and being truthful and authentic to ourselves.
So while this whole minute is happening, I do suggest that you do it, especially the first handful of times with the eyes closed. Okay? So an alarm will go off, when you're ready to keep track of that minute, uh, it's hard because you know, you'll clo- you'll close your eyes, right?
But for the first 30 seconds, at least when you're gathering the data, it's good to close the eyes so that you can focus inward, gather the data, and then you be with yourself. You be with your emotions, you be with how you are in that moment. You can check in on that minute. It has a minute pass. You can open your eyes. I like to do this thing where like my eyes are mostly closed, my pupils are [00:18:00] behind my eyelids, but in the peripheral vision of the lower half of my eyes, I can see like my hands right now. I can see my desk. I can slightly see the color of my keyboard. For me, sometimes when I close my eyes, um, I can disassociate pretty easily or I start daydreaming or like other things just start slipping through my mind and my thoughts are going haywire. So it's nice when I can just like, okay, I see where I am, here I am in the present moment physically, and I can, you know, lower my gaze so that I still shift my attention inward.
So that's pretty much the first part of the practice. It's all about checking in with yourself in an embodied way first, physically, yeah, checking in how you are physically and emotionally, and then possibly mentally and energetically if you've had some practice with this for a little while. Um, and then simply being with it do not change anything, [00:19:00] yet!
Okay. We will get to that in part two. Do not change anything, yet. You're going to first practice checking in with yourself, being aware of how you are, practicing being with how you are in that moment, being honest, allowing yourself to feel the feels if you need to, um, and just have that moment of acceptance. Okay.
And that's pretty much it. And that's the practice. So keep in mind, this is a practice, okay? This is something to practice intentionally to do multiple times in your day. Okay? So I highly suggest you getting a Habit Tracker app on your phone. Um, I believe on, on my iPhone it's called Habit Tracker. So that when you go in and you make little notifications in there, you can put anywhere from four to six notifications in a single day. Okay? Three times is [00:20:00] not really enough because to be realistic, sometimes, um, you may be driving, do not do this, especially as a beginner when you're driving. Now I'm gonna be straight up with you. I do it when I'm driving, but I am very advanced in my embodied awareness and sometimes it helps me actually become a better driver. Especially the second portion of this embodied check-in where you get to choose how you wish to be, right? If I'm driving and I'm like rushing, or I suddenly get road rage and I'm like, Woah, I can really feel this right now in my jaw, my forehead's really tense and like, I just like, you know, I have this like, ugh, kind of energy coming out right now. I'm aware of it. Um, and I'm like, okay, this is how I am now. How do I wish to be? We'll get to that. Okay. But anyway, please do not do this, especially as a beginner when you're driving, okay? Especially because you're gonna be closing your eyes when you are gathering your data, when you are checking in with your bodily self.
So there [00:21:00] may be times when your notification goes off on your phone and it's like, oh my God, I'm in like a parent teacher conference right now, or something like that. Or like I'm in the middle of something that like, I cannot literally stop what I'm doing, close my eyes to do an embodied check-in.
And then there will be times where it may seem like it is not a good idea to do it or, uh, whatever, I'll do a next one. No, I really want you to take the opportunity to actually, if you're cooking, if you can, okay, sometimes I know there's certain meals that it's like, okay, it needs my attention right now or the alarm goes off and you might be cooking something, and it's like, okay, once I'm done cooking this, I'm going to do the embodied check-in. Yeah? Or I'll leave the notification on my phone so that I finish what I'm doing, and then when I see my phone, it's right there on my, what is that lock screen?
Right? And I'm like, oh yeah, that, that just went off like three minutes ago. I'll do that right now. Um, so it's [00:22:00] good to have minimum of four notifications in a day, maximum of six. Um, five is a really nice number. I do five. Um, and so in case you have to skip one because it wasn't safe for you to do it, then it's okay.
There's another one coming up in a couple of hours or whatever, right? So, yes, the notification will go off. You will have that cue to do the embodied check-in. You only take a minute for yourself. Okay? If you feel like, it is too much to ask to literally take one minute. If you're doing five notifications, five minutes out of your entire day, out of 24 hours, then I would say you need this the most, if you think that is not doable, okay? You need this the most. All right? So, um, Yes, the habit tracker will help you do that. You practice it, right? [00:23:00] You have your practices, and then there will be times where you apply the practice. There will be times where you may be about to lash out on your kid.
Or like you're totally checked out. Like my client first asked me about, and she's like, I wanna be more present with them. Like, how can I do this? When you are practicing, being more self-aware of how you are in the moment, it is going to be so much easier when it really matters for you to be aware of how you are when you are getting upset with your kids, when you're getting super stressed out at work, when you're like in a moment of road rage on the road, right?
It's like, the more self-aware that we become of how we are and those tendencies, those reactions, those triggers when they come up, then we have more of an opportunity to actually get to choose what to do about it, yeah? Because, don't you notice that like, [00:24:00] let's say yelling, that's a big one for me. because in the past when I would notice, and, you know, I'm not perfect, I still do this, it's just a lot less now that in the past I would, you you know, I would be like, I wouldn't want to yell, I wouldn't wanna yell, and I'd hold it in and blah, blah, blah. And then time went on and at some point it would just boom, it would burst and I would lash out, right?
And yell at my daughter. And of course, soon after, I'm like, ahh, I really didn't wanna do that. And it's like I know conceptually and also in my heart, I know that I don't wanna be yelling at my kid. But in these times where we hit this moment in our nervous system where it's that fight or flight response, it becomes an automatic reaction. Yeah? So it's very hard to control those situations. It comes to a point sometimes where we just behave and we have no control over because that is our parasympathetic nervous system taking over. [00:25:00] So to help start to get more control and have a wider capacity of control before we hit those outbursting moments, we become more self-aware of how we are moment to moment so that we can then make a choice, an intentional, conscious decision of how we wish to be instead of how we want to show up and behave and interact with our loved ones. Yeah? So that is like the main goal of these embodied check-ins. So, with all that said, let's give it a practice. Yeah? Let's give it a go.
So I'm just going to guide you if you are in a place right now where you can pause what you're doing. If you're driving right now, don't do it unless you were literally pulling over. Okay? Or maybe you're in a drive-through or something, or whatever, right? Just make sure you are in a safe place where you can close your eyes and truly be present with me now, because I'm guiding this, it's [00:26:00] probably gonna take more than a minute, okay? Um, but I really want you to have a feel for it. So here we go. Yeah. I'm gonna use my little chimes cuz it's fun. All right, so let's give it a go. You ready? All right, let's do this. So to start us off,
You will get a cue to stop what you're doing and take a moment for yourself. You're welcome to close your eyes or keep them half open with the gaze slightly downward as you begin to bring your energy, your focus, and attention back to yourself, and notice how you are in this moment. Notice any physical sensations, like the weight of your body, [00:27:00] whether you're standing on your feet or sitting in whatever you're sitting in, notice the temperature of your body or different limbs of your body. Notice the quality of your breath, and there's no need to judge. There's no need to change. We're simply becoming aware of how you are right now.
And also notice any emotional sensations.
There may be layers of emotions, there may be a shape to these emotions. And where is this emotioning happening for you right now within your body?
Again, you don't have to change it. This is simply a moment to accept it, to say, Hey, I see [00:28:00] you, I feel you, and I'm here with you.
And you can take this moment to acknowledge anything else that is showing up for you right now, physically, emotionally, possibly mentally, energetically. See if you can get a quality, a sense of the quality of your being, of your state right now.
And just have a moment of saying, yes, this is how I am and that's okay. I can be with myself in this way.
Beautiful. Now to begin to transition out of this. See if you can still stay in touch with how you are as you start to open [00:29:00] your eyes and take in your environment, take in your surroundings. Still being aware, physically. Yeah, still being aware on a sensational level.
Well done. Yes, and that's it. So that is the first part, just being aware of how you are in this moment, physically, emotionally, and possibly mentally or energetically. Yeah? Beautiful.
So definitely practice this and let me know how it's going. I'd love to hear how it was for you, um, if you have any questions about this particular practice. So I'm going to be putting in the details, the suggestions, the like format of the practice itself in the show notes. The description of this episode so that you can come back to it if you need a refresher and all of that.
And of course if you have any questions or you wanna share your experience with me, [00:30:00] please reach out. Um, you can hit me up in the dms on Instagram or leave a comment. I do share these episodes on YouTube, on my Embodied Ritual YouTube channel.
Sometimes I'm like not wanting to be with myself even just a minute. I'm just like 45 seconds in and I'm like, okay, I'm good. I'm done. Like I don't wanna be here anymore. And then some days I'm just like milking it like five minutes later there, and I'm just like, mm, yeah, just vibing with myself, you know?
Um, and it's okay. This is all about just tuning in with how we are and building the capacity to be with ourselves. Because the more that we have the capacity to be with ourselves and how we truly are in a genuine, authentic way, the more capacity we have to also be with others in the ways that they are in moment to moment,
especially when it comes to our kids. All right. So I hope this was helpful for you. Um, I [00:31:00] absolutely love this practice. It's so simple and very practical and easy to apply in my everyday life in various situations.
So I'm super excited to hear how it's working for you and, um, stay tuned for part two, okay? Where we're gonna get into the next phase of the embodied check-in, of like, okay, I know how I am right now. So what do I do about it? Yeah, like if this is something that's not serving me right now, then where do I go from here? So I will see you in the next episode. All right, chow. [00:32:00]
