Ep 09 | How to Be More Centered, Especially With Your Children (Part 2) (DONE)
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spiritually-embodied_cynthia_cynthia_gutierrez-ikmze3rjr_cfr-synced_2023-mar-29-2035pm-utc-riverside: [00:00:00] Hi, what's up? Welcome back to the Spiritually Embodied Leader Podcast. I am [00:01:00] super glad to get into this part two of a two-parter. That is all around this embodiment practice called an embodied check-in. So if you haven't heard part one, which is the previous episode to this one, definitely check that out because it has the foundation.
Okay? It's got the, the setup, the tee up, and it'll get you going on the proper foot to getting the most out of this embodied practice. Because this episode, we're gonna be diving into the second half of the practice, which is really like, it's like the exciting part. I mean, it's all good and gravy. It's just like now, once we figure out how we are in the moment and um, what's here right now, we can then decide how we choose to be, where do we go from here and how can we help ourselves, yeah? So it's a super short and sweet practice. It only takes like two minutes to do total. So I am super stoked. And just as a recap, I shared that [00:02:00] this was inspired by a former client of mine that asked this really beautiful question of how she can be more present with her kids because she had just gotten a new job and she's, you know, spending a lot of time there and you know, along with everything else that us moms have to do on the daily, there seemed to have been very, not as much time as she had been used to for her kids. And when she was with her kids, it was like, ah, like I'm either anxious or stressed out or I'm super exhausted.
And she just knew that her children would pick up on the moments where they're like showing her something or they're trying to play with her and stuff, and she's just like, oh yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, uhhuh, and maybe distracted or may not really have the energy to be super present because when there are the other times that would come up where she's super engaged and she's asking them questions and they're dialoguing back and forth, and it's like that deeper connection is happening between them, right?
That [00:03:00] bonding starts to happen. She knows that like she wants more of that yet, how can she really get the most out of her time with her kids, especially during the times when she's tired or anxious or you know, checking out in some way. So I decided to share with her the checking in practice. It's an embodied practice and now that you've listened to part one, I'm like, all right, let's go a little deeper. What do we do now with our self-awareness and with the state of our being moment to moment? Yeah? Especially in the moments that we check in, it's like, okay, now what? So, this other part, it's kind of like, uh, an introductory phase to a different embodiment practice that was taught to me by my mentor Mark Walsh of Embodiment Unlimited.
And this second phase, there is way more in depth to, is a different practice called embodied centering or centering. But it [00:04:00] is a set of body mind techniques that can help to down-regulate or up-regulate whatever is needed in the moment to bring us more centered, more present, and, you know, just a lot more in touch with our, our intuition with our heart and all of that so that we can make way more conscious, intentional decisions that we are actually happy with. Yeah? That we are pleased with, that we are satisfied with especially towards, maybe something that we want more of, like if you want more fire, more courage or if you wanna be able to set more boundaries and stuff, it's like you can connect with yourself and shift your state, your body-mind state, and spirit, but mostly body-mind state in a way that is conducive or supportive for the thing that you wish to embody.
So yes, this is a really beautiful practice that I feel like has helped me tremendously in just about every area of my life, honestly. And [00:05:00] that's the beautiful thing about embodiment is that it really is so basic and applicable to us as human beings, as embodied beings. Even though our, um, sorry lumps, my dog is in the room, so you may hear some snorting and ear flapping when he shakes and stuff cuz he is a frenchie bulldog and you know, big ears and snorts and all that. So anyway, um, yes, embodiment practices such as these embodied check-ins and embodied centering practices, they're amazing for the workplace and home life and relationships and all the things even on a just a personal basis where I'm just like, whew, like I really gotta, like, I'm getting a little drowsy, how can I wake myself up right up-regulate myself? Or I'm super anxious and I can't seem to slow down, how can I down-regulate myself? Or I'm in a heated argument right now and like, I don't wanna like burst out in the heat of a moment. How do I center myself so that I can have a more of [00:06:00] a constructive, you know, conversation and all of this.
So anyway, coming back to the way in which I had my client apply this embodied check-in was in relation to her kid, right, like I was saying. And it's super important for us to be self-aware of how we are in the moment so that then we can decide how we choose to be, what is best for the scenario at hand.
And that's the part that we're gonna be diving into here. So hopefully you have given yourself some time, like at least a week to practice that first part of the embodied check-in. Yeah? Because it really does take time to be able to change our state, it's really helpful in the moment, but it's short-lived. But when we also want to be a more centered parent, when we want to, you know, have a way of being that [00:07:00] you're able to hold boundaries or whatever it is, be more calm, be more peaceful, like when you want that to be more of a trait rather than a shift in state, moment to moment. It takes practice, it takes time. Yeah? And when we come to these embodied check-ins or embodied centering, which we're gonna get into in this particular episode, this really is all about self-management. It's all about regulating yourself so that you know how to influence yourself and influence other people, especially when it comes to your children.
And I, I went more deeper into that as to why it's so helpful, because it's like, you know, our children learn from us about more with what we do rather than what we say. Their nervous system mirrors ours and so it's so important to actually be that centered state, be that, um, stable nervous system for their nervous system to regulate with. Yeah?
So once we start getting into [00:08:00] the second phase of the embodied check-in with just more about centering ourselves, you will then cross over into this threshold. Yeah? Where you will be able to shift your bodily state. Um, and your, your state as a being to support the new experiences that you want, whether it's to connect with them, whether it's to be more at ease, to be more relaxed, to be more present or if you're super tired, to be a little more excited and all of that.
And it doesn't really have to be anything like rambunctious or over exaggerated. It's really, it can be very subtle. Now, sometimes if I'm like a little bit lethargic, and I'm like, okay, hold on, like , I'm having my daughter repeat something over and over again. She's like, are you even listening?
I will actually take a moment where I'm like, Just a minute. I get up, I shake my body, I tap my body, I breathe a little, um, faster, just slightly so that I can stimulate myself to be more awake. Yeah? And then I come back to her, I'm like, okay, I'm awake, I'm a little more [00:09:00] active, like I'm ready to listen now.
Right? Um, but I do wanna show you even just the subtle ways where you can down-regulate even just a little bit to be able to connect with your kids or with your partner, or with whoever you're working with, or your friends, yourself, whatever it is. Okay?
Now to add on to the last episode, we're going to be inserting a specific centering technique called ABC centering, and this is something that I learned from Mark Walsh. Basically all the centering techniques that I know are from him and he is the founder of embodiment Unlimited. I'm just gonna give you one. There are several and some of them have different, you know, purposes and are suitable for different things, um, but this one's a very general one. It's pretty simple and easy to remember. So I'm just gonna tag this on.
Yeah, and so you'll have this more of a well-rounded, embodied check slash centering practice for you to [00:10:00] do when you are playing with your kids, um, even, you know, you have the practice of doing it for yourself, getting a feel for it, knowing how to do it so that when those moments come and you are with your children or you're with your partner or whatever it is, you're out in the grocery store.
Even me, you know, I used to identify as an empath. I'm still, I'm a very highly sensitive person, and so I'll pick up different things and this particular practice here of both parts one and parts two, has been so helpful to keep me from allowing my nervous system to tag on to somebody else's. So if they're anxious or whatever, all of a sudden I feel like super, um, depressed, and I'm like, it's like I'm like picking up something from somebody.
I turn to this practice to help me center myself, regulate myself, and be like, okay, what do I need in this situation? And how can I best show up for myself and other people?
So [00:11:00] part one was all about being self-aware and picking up data within ourselves of how we are in that moment, right?
So to get into the finer details, I'm gonna explain everything before we actually practice it in this episode together. Yeah? I'll do a guided part just like I did in the last episode. So when the notification happens, right, um, you get a ding, some kind of notification, it's time to do an embodied check-in.
So you can either close your eyes, you go inward, right? We practice this. And this is basically the A of the ABC centering technique. A is to become aware. Yeah? You're feeling your body, you're noticing any sensations that are happening physically and emotionally. At the bare minimum. And if you'd like, you can bring in your mental state and your energetic state or spiritual state.
Yeah. In the present moment. And you're taking 30 seconds [00:12:00] to gather that data, be with yourself, and notice those sensations. And then there's 30 more seconds to really be with yourself, ah, okay, I accept this, I'm aware of myself, and I accept myself just as I am.
This is what's actually happening right now. And then we start to transition into the next minute of the B and C portion of the centering. Yeah? So first minute is awareness, and then we turn to the second minute of then balancing yourself. So you're going to either physically balance yourself, whether if you're back, maybe you'll come more forward to come, it's more centered. If you're slouching on one side, maybe you come back in the middle, right? Whether you balance left, right, forward back, maybe if you're a little too up, like sometimes I'll get on the edge of my seat and I'm like, whoa, okay, I'm gonna chill out a little bit, lean back a little bit. If you're [00:13:00] too slouched back, then maybe start to bring yourself a little more forward, right?
So you physically B balance yourself forward, back, left, right, up and down, whatever you need physically. And then also balance your awareness of all around you. Yeah. So you're aware of your peripheral vision, you're aware of what's behind you, below you, above you, your awareness becomes more well-rounded.
Yeah? Now we get into the C portion of the ABC technique, there's two parts to it. The most important one is core relaxation, core in relation to the midline of your body. So relaxing the eyes, the mouth, your breath, and your belly.
Sometimes if we're a little too tense, right? Or we're like, uh, maybe we're daydreaming or something, and there's some day, there's that glaze over in the eyes. You know what I mean? So you want to bring some kind of centeredness back into the [00:14:00] eyes, whether it's relaxing the eyes or focusing the eyes, whatever you need.
And usually the mouth is tense and so we'll release the mouth and then you'll want to balance your breath. Yeah? So if you may be more shallow in the breath or holding your breath, allow that breath to start to flow through and even itself out as well as relaxing the belly. We tend to, um, tense the belly or suck in the belly, so we really want to relax the belly.
So core C, core relaxation of the eyes, mouth, breath, and belly. And if you'd like, you can add in a second C, C squared of connection. So you will be imagining or even looking at someone if they're there with you who makes you smile. Yeah?
And someone maybe you can think of someone who really cares about you. So if you have that sense of connection with someone, it could also be a pet or something [00:15:00] like that, something that really brings warmth into your heart and helps you smile a bit more easily.
And that's the practice itself. Yeah. So the A, you become more aware. B, you bring more balance physically and through your awareness. And C, you relax your core, right? The core line of your body, as well as bringing more connection of someone that makes you smile. A, B, C. Yeah? Um, so this is one technique that you can do.
So, for example, sometimes I get too caught up with scrolling on social media and my daughter's trying to get my attention or tell me something and I'm just like, I'm here, but I'm not there with her. Right? Um, I'm too sucked into my phone. I'm too attached to my phone.
And if I'm like, okay, I, I'm, I'm realizing I'm aware that I'm too attached to my phone right now. So then I take a moment to apply this technique to be aware, oh, this is what I'm [00:16:00] doing. Is this really what I wanna do? No, I wanna be more present with my daughter, so I'm gonna be aware physically of what I'm doing. Okay, I'm gonna put the phone down, be aware of how I am and then begin to balance myself. So if I'm slouched over with the cell phone, I'm gonna put the cell phone down, pick up my posture, balance myself physically, and balance my awareness, cuz that's one thing about the phone. Okay.
The thing about the phone is that when you're staring at a very short distance and at one focal point, this can send cues to our nervous system to be in more of a fight or flight response because when we are actually in a fight flight response, usually let's say in a flight response when we need to run away, our vision, our eyes will only focus, it goes tunnel vision basically, it will only focus on the things that it needs to see in order to get out of there. Yeah, so it's [00:17:00] not aware of the surroundings and the pictures on the walls and whatever. It's like there's the exit and I'm outta here, and it goes straight there, and it's just only scanning and focusing on the things that's that's needed for them to get out, right?
So when our eyes are constantly in that tunnel vision and focusing in on something so strongly, the nervous system's like, okay, like I have to continue this particular state, so to help diffuse that and get ourself out of that fight flight response and into a more of a sympathetic nervous system, we want to balance our awareness so we pay more attention to the peripheral vision. We pay more attention to where we are in the room. Right? It's just our awareness becomes more well-rounded.
Yeah. that brings a lot more ease to the nervous system. So yes, balancing ourselves physically, balancing myself with my awareness, and then relaxing my core, [00:18:00] relaxing my eyes, my mouth, checking in with my breath. Okay. And then releasing my belly and even that alone is really going to help me be a lot more present and at ease and connected with my daughter, which is the second C, right, C squared to the ABC.
Look at my daughter, connect with her, smile with her, um, ask her questions like, you know, laugh with her, giggle with her, like those moments of connection really start to help build that bond. Yeah?
Now to make this process even more simpler, okay, which I really like to do this because it's more intuitive and I really like to listen in to what my body and like my subconscious is also kind of leading with. when you go through the embodied check-in, right, you do the first part, you always do the self-awareness part. You check in, you become aware of your physical sensations and emotional sensations, possibly the mental state as well as [00:19:00] energetic state. Yeah?
Once you become aware and you're with yourself in that state for at least 30 seconds to a minute, you then can ask yourself, now, how do I wish to be? And how does that show up in my body? And you allow for whatever needs to shift and change to happen. Your body may sit up a little more, your breath might start to slow down. You may start to like, a lot of the times, the back of my neck will start to get longer and I'll have like a, this effect, I dunno if you can see on the video.
But anyway, yeah, the back of my neck that's longer and I tend to lean back. I notice that my body will naturally intuitively would want to do that. So you can go that route as well. Yeah? In case if you're like, oh, what's the B and the C and the, you know what I mean? Especially when you're not [00:20:00] actually practicing it with the, habit tracker notifications that go off on your phone, like I would suggest doing the ABC part with the Habit Tracker, and every now and then, just do it intuitively.
Ask yourself, how do I wish to be? And how does that show up in my body? And allow your body, allow your unconscious mind to allow how it needs to adapt to the situation. Yeah? Because it, it may, it may require everything in the ABC technique, and it may not, or it might bring in something else that, we didn't even talk about in this episode.
So yeah, that's a different route that you can do and I really like that route. It's very simple and it's like, it's so intuitive and it just like, I feel like it, it gets me going and it's seamless, and I'm not in my head like trying to remember the whole, you know, format and blah, blah, blah. So yeah, give that a shot.
All right, so how about we give it a go? [00:21:00] Let's practice this what I just talked about. I'm gonna do, um, the ABC portion first. We'll do it in real time and then I will give another cue and we'll try it with the intuitive question, yeah, of like, how do I wish to be? And after that, then see how long you can sustain that way of being, even while you're continuing on with whatever you're doing while you're listening to this.
And that's the practice, right? And of course, like I said in the last episode, the practice is different from the application. So it's important to have those moments of practice so that when a situation comes up that this would really help you and build that connection with your child. You already have been training in it and it just happens seamlessly.
Yeah? Okay, so [00:22:00] let's do this. So we're going to practice that embodied check-in with the centering technique. Yeah. All right, so a notification happens and it's time to do the embodied check-in. So stop what you're doing, make sure you're in a safe place so that you can either close your eyes or leave them half open with the gaze slightly downward, and begin to shift your attention inward and go through the A of the ABC technique, which is awareness. Feel your body and notice any sensations that are happening within you. What are the physical sensations happening for you right now?
Where are those sensations?
What's the quality of those [00:23:00] sensations?
And how are you emotionally right now?
It may be layered, multifaceted.
Is there a color to it? A texture to it.
And without judging it or changing it, see if you can simply be with your physical sensations and your emotional sensations right now, saying, okay, I see you. I feel you, and I can be with you here I am as I am right now.
And notice if there's anything else that comes up and see if you can be with that too.[00:24:00]
Now, how do you wish to be? And speaking of B, we can bring more balance, like physical balance, whether you need more forward motions or backward motions or be a little more left because you're too much on the right. Do you need to move up and down? How can you physically reposition yourself to a more centered posture and also balance your awareness, balance it all around you.
Be aware of what's beside you, what's behind you.
And then go into the C of core relaxation, bringing more ease and relaxation in the eyes, your mouth, your breath, and your belly. [00:25:00] Nice. And if you'd like, you can imagine someone who makes you smile, someone you really care about.
And allow this ABC centering to really envelop you. Yeah, and when you're ready, see if you can sustain this more centered way of being as you open your eyes and look around you.
Beautiful. Nice. And then do a little reset. Maybe check your phone. What are you gonna make for dinner tonight? Anything exciting happening tomorrow? Yeah, give yourself a little shake.
And what was the last like annoying little thing that happened? Do you remember? [00:26:00] Or it's like, really? And notice, can you sense that? Can you, nothing too huge, just a little annoyance. Yeah? Or maybe like you're getting a little, you know, your kid is like starting to annoy you, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.
And it's like, okay, hold up, be aware of that annoying state that you are sensing right. now How does that show up for you? For me, I can feel it in my face, my nose, the middle of my eyebrows. I'm like, Ugh. And that's okay. Be with that, notice your breath. Notice your emotions. What do you do in your body? What are you doing in your body?
Be aware. A, awareness.
[00:27:00] Yeah. Now let's go to how you wish to be?
And how does that show up in your body?
How do you wish to be? What happens? What do you do?
Allow your body to lead, your breath to lead, your eyes to move and adapt in the way that you intuitively can sense how you wish to be.
Yeah. I just had this moment of like, you know what, it's fine, it's all good. Not that big of a deal. Right? And see if you can continue that, sustain that, how do I wish to be? Pretty [00:28:00] chill. Not too chill. I still wanna be, you know, active and engaged. Right?
Yeah. And see how long you can sustain that as we continue on with this episode. Beautiful. Yes. So that is the embodied check-in, in its well-rounded practice of first being aware of how you are and then choosing how you wish to be. And you can do that with the a ABC centering technique that I shared with you.
Or you can allow your intuition to lead the way and allow your body to shift, change, adapt, and your mind to slow down and your breath to be a lot more full. Yeah? Cool. So I'd love to hear how this practice was for you [00:29:00] and like I said in the last episode, definitely get a Habit Tracker app on your phone.
Okay? Um, it's really important that you practice this several times and remember, it should not take more than two minutes, okay? A minute to be aware, to be with yourself, and then the second minute to choose how you wish to be and allow that minute to be the shift and the change and the adaptation.
Yeah, and that's it. So when you get your Habit Tracker app on your phone, you're gonna wanna make several notifications in one day, for every day, give yourself a week. Yeah? So, no less than four, no more than six, five is like a really good number for me. And I'll do it every couple to few hours.
So that in case you may be driving, please do not do this when you're driving unless you're super well [00:30:00] practiced. Yeah. And you can actually check in with yourself, even with your eyes open in the middle of something. Um, but if you haven't done this before or you're just starting out, please do not do this when you're driving.
When you're in a safe place, the notification will go off. You go through the whole process and enjoy. Yeah, and of course there will always be
people, places, things that will come up in life and you just apply it. You practice it on the spot. That's more of an application. You apply it, you implement it into your life in a real life situation.
But the important piece is to have the practice several times a day, so you get used to it, and it becomes more automatic, it becomes more habitual. So then it's a lot easier to apply it and do it and reap the benefits when a real life situation happens. And then let me know how it goes. Please DM me on Instagram or you can drop a comment on YouTube [00:31:00] if you're watching this on YouTube. Um, and yeah, I'd love to know how it was for you if you're super interested in having more in depth practices and tools and resources, and have someone like me in your corner by your side to help you and your motherhood, to help you live a more fulfilling life, then hop on a free connection call where we can talk more about, you know, what you're struggling with, what kind of support that you need, and how I can best help you.
Okay, cool. Alright, I hope this was so helpful. Please let me know how it was for you. And yes, I will catch you on the next episode. All right, ciao. [00:32:00]
